Planned Spontaneity

Onward and Upward

2011-06-12T17:06:00.001-04:00

Hi people.

Change is a-comin'. Can you feel it?

I want to keep this as short and sweet as possible. Celebrating is the plan here, not dwelling.

After a lot of deliberation, and hemming and hawing, I've decided to shut down Planned Spontaneity.

For a while now it just hasn't felt right.

In the beginning, more than three years ago, this was a place for me to keep family and friends updated on what was going on in my life. Then the accident happened and this was a place I came to collect my thoughts, express how I was feeling and heal.

Now, I just don't know where to take it and I feel like it's served it's purpose and run it's course. I need to move on, literally and figuratively. These past two years are never going to disappear and I don't want that, but I do need to fully step into my new life.

Andy and I have some big plans for our future, so it's time for something new.

Out with the old blog, and in with the new one.

What? You didn't think I was giving up blogging all together, did you?

Haha. Fooled you!

I've already started blogging at my new internet home. Also, now I'm a dot com, so my url is a whole lot easier to remember (and spell). The new blog is called Average Joanna. It's still a work in progress, so be patient with me while I attempt to pretty the place up.

Head on over and see what's new. I'm looking forward to seeing you there.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. Your support has meant the world to me and I'm certain I would have come through this differently without it.

Hugs and Love,
Joanna

I've got a feelin'. Woohoo.

2011-06-03T13:15:00.000-04:00

Yeah, so that Black Eyed Peas song is old and tired, but I couldn't help it.

A long time ago I wrote a post about my old Jeep and how I knew it was getting tired and worn down and would need to be replaced. I wrote this post before the accident, obviously, but now I can't find it. In said post, I talked a lot about how I shop for cars. I shop based on how I feel about a particular vehicle & in this mysterious post I embedded a video from a Gilmore Girls episode where Lorelei has to shop for a new car and she can't find one because none of them "feel" right. Exchange the name "Lorelei" for "Joanna" in that scenario and you've just gone car shopping with me.

For two years now I've need a car of my own. When the accident happened we owned three cars already; my Jeep, The Hulk, and Magnum the truck. With two cars left and no room in the budget for a car payment we decided it was in our best interest to just keep the two cars we had left and make it work. When the time was right (read: when we settled with the insurance company) we would get a new car.

The past two years I've spent a lot of time researching and looking and wishing a dreaming. Honestly, if I had what I wanted, I'd have my old Jeep back. I loved that thing and I would have driven it until the wheels fell off.

Alas, that was not to be. Accepting the inevitable, I whittled down my choices and this past week we went shopping. A couple of days ago I made a purchase.

Before I show you what I got, I have to tell you just how far this "feeling" thing goes with me. Last Thursday we test drove a car that was, for all intents and purposes, identical to the car I ended up purchasing. The test car was really nice and would have probably served me well for years to come, but it just didn't feel right. I felt like I was driving something that belonged to someone else. So I worked with the dealership and we found one that looked just right on paper. It came in on Tuesday and you guys, this is my car. It feels like it was made for me. It's perfect.

So, here it is. The replacement for my other perfect car.

It's a 2011 Jeep Grand Cherokee. I love it.

Along with that car, we made another, smaller purchase. The Hulk has certainly seen better days and Magnum the truck has been having more and more break downs. It became clear to us a while ago that Andy was going to need a new car too.

The dealership just happened to have something on the lot that met all of Andy's criteria, so we got a new toy for him too.

It's a 2005 Grand Cherokee.

Some my say buying two cars at once is overkill. You know what I say to those people? When you live through the same hell we have for the last to years, then you can pass judgment on what we do.We deserve this.

If I could go back and choose my path, I would gladly give it all back. I'd give back all the pain and heartache and frustration if I could have my old Jeep and my old life. Andy feels exactly the same way.

While these new cars don't erase everything that has happened, they certainly don't hurt.

Happy weekend! I'm certainly going to enjoy mine!

P.S. For those of you wondering why the hell we bought two Jeeps. We've always owned two, with the exception of the last two years. Since we started dating, we've each had a Jeep. These two are numbers 4 and 5 between us. We're Jeep people. It's just what we like.

Grateful for the journey

2011-05-30T12:47:00.001-04:00

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

I've finally settled back in at home. It's nice to be back with Andy, even if it isn't so nice to be back in Colorado. Though, I have to admit that the weather has been absolutely beautiful lately. We even have some humming birds zipping around outside our windows. Spring is finally here & if the weather were like this more often, I could probably put up with the crappy people a little better.

In my last post (a week ago, sorry) I whined about my trip home and then told you that I had some good news to share. The day has finally arrived and I'm ready to write about it.

It's been a long time since I've written anything about my accident. This is due, in large part, to my need to just put it all behind me and move on with my life. I can't change what happened to me, but only accept it as part of my reality and use it to improve my day to day. So that's what I've tried to do.

Except I haven't been able to completely put it behind me.

In all the things I wrote about my feelings, physical and emotional, concerning the accident, I only briefly touched on the financial ramifications of this disaster on our lives. It's been rough. To say the least.

For two years we've had an outstanding insurance claim. The thing that I wanted most, to move on, could never really happen until we could settle with the insurance company. That couldn't happen until I could heal. Last July I was finally released from all my doctors. After that I just needed a few follow up dental appointments to determine my future care, and we could finally begin to close this giant door in our life.

Several months of waiting, and back and forth. Phone calls and emails and question after question after question relating to my recovery and current health.

While I was in North Carolina all the waiting and communication came to a stand still and I went to mediation to settle the claim.

It's over.

Two little words. That's all I could get out before bursting into tears that afternoon when I left my lawyer's office.

In mediation the mediator, said something to me that keeps running through my head. "You've been through a lot and you need to be compensated. The only way to do that is with money."

I understand that, from the perspective of the lawyers and the insurance company, this was a simple business transaction. It's the world's way of trying to make a wrong, right.

For me, it's so much more than that. While money makes the world go round, it doesn't make me or break me, and how do I a put a dollar amount on the last two years of my life?

No. This was less about compensation than it was about closure and being able to start the final healing process.

I could say that these last two years have been a nightmare. There have certainly been nightmare like times, but I feel like so much good has come of it too.

I've grown up more in these last two years than I ever did in the previous twenty seven. I see the change in myself and recognize it for the blessing that it is. I've never felt more grown up, and that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm chronologically older. I'm better able to appreciate a situation, good or bad, for what it's really worth and how much of my attention and worry it deserves. I'm grateful for that knowledge and for the strength I've gained through all this turmoil

My husband and my marriage have never been more precious. We meant our vows when we took them, nearly five years ago, but I don't think either of us expected just how soon we would have the opportunity to test that sincerity. I'm grateful for that and for the knowledge that as long as Andy is by my side I can tackle any obstacle.

I'm grateful for all my friends and family that supported me, and Andy, through all the pain and heartache. These people have a new importance to me now, and they are more dear than ever before. You're only as strong as the people around you and right now I feel like a fortress, impenetrable and unyielding.

Most of all I'm grateful for my life and the opportunity to live it. That's just what I intend to do.

It's over, and I'm grateful.

The long journey home

2011-05-23T12:10:00.000-04:00

And I do mean long.

I got home late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. That was not the original plan.

Saturday, I woke up at 8 and got everything ready to go. Julie and I loaded up the car with my (gigantic) suitcase & headed to the airport. After a tearful goodbye, I headed to baggage check and then to security. All those things went smoothly and I got to my designated gate around 10 am. My flight was scheduled to leave at 11:40. I was flying to Minneapolis where I would meet a connection to Denver.

Right around the time we should have started boarding there was an announcement. The Minneapolis airport was having a small problem with a power outage & my flight had been delayed 20 minutes. No big deal, and because of the power outage in Minneapolis my connecting flight would be delayed as well, so no concern there.

A few more minutes pass. We should be boarding the plane to leave at the delay time. Another announcement, the flight has been delayed another 25 minutes, but so has my connecting flight, so again, not a big deal.

12 o'clock rolls around and we start boarding the plane. Everyone gets on, gets comfortable and the captain comes on the intercom. Due to the severity of the power outage in Minneapolis they've had to shut down the airport for a short time. My flight is canceled.

Fantastic.

I get off the plane with all the other passengers and get in line to talk to an agent. Several people started calling Delta customer service to reschedule their flights, but even if you can talk to a real person and get your itinerary changed, you still have to stand in line to get your new boarding pass. I opt to just stand in line because talking to customer service on the phone usually makes me want to throw my phone against a wall, and I was already in a terrific mood.

It takes a while, but finally I get to the desk and the nice lady helping me gets me on a flight to JFK in New York where I then would fly to Denver. That's fine. Whatever gets me home. I take my new boarding pass and give a description of my checked bag so they can transfer it to my new flight though I only had a small hope that would actually happen.

It's now 1 pm. My new flight doesn't leave until 4 so I set out to find something to eat. After eating and resting a few minutes and letting my phone charge at the Starbucks kiosk, I decide to go find my new gate.

It's now 2 pm.

I go to the TV screens that display flights and their information. I see the gate and the time my flight should leave and then all the way to the right is flashing in bright red letters, "Now 5:05." What. The. Hell?

When I walk to the gate and read the display, sure enough my flight is now scheduled an hour later than originally planned. Which means that if I stick with that flight I would have exactly five minutes to get off the first plane, make it to the new gate in JFK and onto the plane before they shut the door. So, basically It's a given that I would miss my connecting flight.

I walk around until I find a desk with an agent. They're helping some other woebegone travelers so I commence waiting.

When I get helped it just so happens that the person helping is the same one who rescheduled my flight a couple hours ago. She's very nice and gets me on to another flight and once again, takes my bag description to have it checked onto my new flight. Yeah, right. Not a chance in hell that bag is making it to Denver the same time I do. I asked if there was any chance there would be a delay with this new flight, no was the answer and I'd been upgraded to first class for both flights. Well, that was something.

My new flight takes me to Atlanta where I have a three hour layover and then board a second plane to Denver.

Let's take a moment to count all this up. At this point it's roughly 3 pm. I've spent all of 5 minutes on an airplane, 5 hours in the same airport, and been booked on 6 different flights for the day.

The flight to Atlanta wasn't scheduled to leaved until 5:15. Lot's of time to kill and I spent most of it on the phone complaining to various family and friends about my ordeal.

Eventually the time did pass. My flight was uneventful as were my three ours in the Atlanta airport and my second flight to Denver.

My plane landed at 11 pm and, of course, my suitcase didn't, so Andy and I spent some time while the nice people at the airport found it (New York) and scheduled it for delivery to me.

We got to the apartment at 1:30 am (3:30 am eastern).

But I'm home and my suitcase made it to me this morning at 5:30.

Hopefully in a couple of days I can tell you about some exciting news I have. I'm not pregnant, sorry. However, still exciting news, and this particular news has been a long time coming.

Happy Monday!

Half over

2011-05-10T21:26:00.000-04:00

I've been in NC for 10 days. I have 10 more to go.

Clearly my trip hasn't made me any more enthusiastic about blogging. In my defense, it took a week to get rid of the jet lag. It was horrible. Also, part of why I'm here is because Julie needed some help with someone to watch Mina. I know that sounds kind of strange, because aren't there babysitters in North Carolina? Well, yes, but Julie is having to deal with some family things right now and will be for several weeks and Mina hasn't spent entire days with baby sitters ever. So it just made sense that if her world was going to turn upside down for a few weeks, at least she should stay with someone she knows. Hence my three week trip to North Carolina.

Anyway, I have some free days and some things planned the rest of this week. Hopefully I can get some pictures taken and at least post those to the ole blog, if nothing else.

I hope you're all having a wonderful May!

NC bound

2011-04-28T13:11:00.000-04:00

On Saturday I'm flying out of Colorado, and away from the winter that will never end, to a land of green grass, warm temperatures and flip flops.

I'm going to North Carolina for a nice long visit. A three week visit. I'm excited for many reasons that I'm sure I don't really need to list, but I'm also a little sad. Andy and the bunnies are staying in Colorado.

I feel kind of like a hypocrite because I've been aching to go "home" to NC for months now, but honestly home is where my husband is. So, while I'm sure I'll enjoy myself immensely while I'm in the South, it's going to be a bitter sweet trip. Hopefully my friends and family will keep me entertained so that it passes quickly and I can come back to my love soon.

Also, this trip could mean one of two things for the blog. Posting could be more sparse (is that even possible?) or I could be so inspired by my return home that I bombard you with posts about the wonderful time I'm having. We'll see how it goes.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

It's never going to end, is it?

2011-04-19T17:33:00.000-04:00

Photos taken today, from our porch.

Just putting this out there

2011-04-13T13:04:00.000-04:00

It seems like my blog directly reflects my life. Duh, you say, but I'm not just talking about the things I write about on here. I'm also referring to the things I don't say, i.e. my silence.

When things aren't so great I tend to shut down on the blog and if you look at my posting (or lack of) over the last couple months you can tell that life isn't exactly stellar right now.

I've said before that we hate it here, but I can't put into words just how stiffing this place is.I can't speak for all of Colorado, but as for the area we're in, it sucks. Or rather, the people suck. Some might say we're just homesick.

Yes and no. I think this goes beyond homesickness. No amount of time spent here is going to make the community more welcoming to us. It makes me sad and more than disappointed that we feel this way. This move is something that Andy and I have dreamed of for so long, and it's painful when dreams come true, but turn out to be something less than imagined.

I could go on about this for a while, but Andy and I have rehashed this so much in our day to day lives it seems pointless to do so on here. And getting on here every day to write, "We hate it here," "This place is terrible," "Why did we think it was going to be so great," whine, whine, whine, is just not my style. We made a decision and we're going to live with it until we're ready to make the next move.

And now I'm going to do the thing that everyone says they hate when bloggers do it. I'm going to tell you that we have made several decisions about our future, but I'm not going to tell the internet about it. Not yet. We need to put some things into action before I talk about what we're going to do and where we're going to go next. So, sorry. You'll just have to wait. If anyone still reads this thing.

On the bright side, the warm days (if you call 50 degrees warm) are starting to outweigh the cold, so maybe I can take some pictures to put on here that aren't mountains covered in snow. Here's hoping.

April is the best month

2011-04-01T13:27:00.000-04:00

Oh, hey! I'm not dead. Isn't that great?

So, it's April. I love this month, and not only because it's my birthday month. This Sunday, the 3rd, I'll turn 29. Lately I've been thinking a lot about getting older, and I've come to some conclusions. But more on that later, because right now I'm going to tell you something else.

Today is April Fool's Day. Did you now? Has someone played a prank on you?

I hate April Fool's Day. I'm usually a very practical person and it really gripes my bottom when someone tricks me. Also, I have a very transparent face. What I'm thinking shows very clearly on my money maker, so I'm not good at lying. In order to pull off a good prank you must be good at telling lies. So, the "Fool" part of April 1st is not my favorite, but I'm glad it's April.

In honor of this most horrible holiday, I thought I'd tell you about a little conversation I had with Andy earlier this week. He wasn't trying to trick me, but the outcome of the conversation was something completely different than what I had expected at the beginning, so in essence, he fooled me.

Anyway, we were sitting in the living room. He was watching something on television and I was looking at something on the computer, "window" shopping, no doubt. Out of nowhere Andy pipes up and says, "Do you know what I wish someone had told me about us getting married?"

Danger! Danger! Tread carefully!

What on earth have I done wrong? We haven't even had so much as a petty argument in a while, so I really had no idea what brought this on. Not that we needed to be in a fight for him to think something like this, but it's generally the disagreements that make you wish someone had prepared you ahead of time how to deal with it.

There was no getting out of it, though, so I girded my loins, prepared myself for the worst and asked, "No, what?"

You'll never, ever guess what he said. Prepare yourself.

"I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I was supposed to say something at our rehearsal dinner. I would have like to have had time to prepare something." He said.

WHAT?! What on earth made him think of that?

There were a couple of reactions going on in my head after I heard that little bit of loveliness. First I thought (and said), "Oh my gosh! Get over it already!" You see, we have been married for just over four and a half years now, and in that time whenever someone brings up our wedding or he hears the words "rehearsal dinner" he goes on and on about how he had to give a speech that night and no one had told him and why hadn't they told him because he didn't mind having to do it but he would have liked some advance warning so he would have been able to think about what to say, and for the love of mercy, build a bridge, Andy!

My second reaction was to realize that after all these years the worst thing he can think of about our marriage, the thing that blind sided him the most, was something that happened before we were even married. Really? Nothing else? So I asked, "Is there anything about actually being married that you wish you'd known?" He said, "Nope. I think it's been pretty normal."

And you know what? I think he's right. I don't know about normal, but there haven't really been any surprises. I mean, there have been some unexpected things that life threw at us, like job loss and in particular my car crash, but those could/would have happened with or without us being married. All-in-all though, I got what I expected out of marriage, and I guess he has too, so far.

We're happy together. As a bride you have so many expectations and big ideas of what it's going to be like once you're married. Now, four and a half years later, being happy seems like a pretty big accomplishment. At the end of the day, that's the most I ask for and need. Being happy with my husband makes all of the other inadequacies that life throws my way seem less important. I expected so much, but got exactly what I needed. It's funny how that works, isn't it?

Happy April!

Another music video for you to enjoy

2011-03-18T13:35:00.001-04:00

Happy weekend!

Lucky charm

2011-03-15T19:27:00.000-04:00

Several weeks ago my mom called me and told me that she and my step dad were going to get a puppy. She also said that they wanted me to name the puppy. A tall order!

Saturday morning she called me again and said they had brought the new puppy home that morning & it was time for me to pick a name. She took some pictures of the new little love and sent them to me. I ran through several names in my head and called my parents to ask their opinion. After all it is their dog, and I can't meet her in person to get a sense of her puppy personality.

In the end, we settled on a name that correlates with her coming home date. St. Patrick's day is this Thursday and it's one of my favorite holidays, so I picked a name that reflected that.

Meet my new puppy sister, Clover

(Something is wrong with the time stamp on my mom's camera. She took these photos on Saturday 3/5, but for some reason it says she took them in the future on 7/3. Oh well.)

Here is a list

2011-03-04T13:09:00.001-05:00

Hello, from the great frozen tundra!

It's March! Already! Where did January and February go?

I started writing this post two days ago, but it was Andy's day off and after I typed out the first couple sentences he came in the room and distracted me, so I lost my train of thought and gave up.

Anyway, this is what's happening:

Wednesday was so warm you didn't need a jacket. Yesterday the temperatures cooled a bit and last night it started snowing. It's still snowing.
My fingernails have grown out too much. They're so long that it's making it hard for me to type this. I'm too lazy to do anything about it.
There has been a problem with Andy's truck. He's been able to drive it, but it didn't have heat, among other things, and he was finally able to find the time to fix it on Wednesday. (Why didn't we just take it to a repair shop? Because labor fees here are twice what they were in NC, and a repair that cost Andy just under $100 to do himself would have cost over $400 at a mechanic. That's why.)
I love my bunnies. They are so cuddly and lovable. Even though Brunswick wakes me up every morning before 5, and Milton can make some of the biggest messes you've ever seen for something so small. I love them anyway.
My birthday is 30 days away. I'll be 29. The last year of my twenties.
The last day Andy's store is open is on my birthday. He's started counting down the days. Which is convenient for me since I usually count down to my birthday anyway.
We hate it here. HATE. Andy has started calling it Winter Disneyland and saying, "People don't live in Disneyland." Which is true. They visit Disneyland and then they go home to reality. Except this is "home" for us right now. I use the word "home" loosely because we are going to get the hell out of Dodge as soon as possible.
It doesn't rain here. Ever. I knew this before coming. Most of the precipitation comes in the form of snow and the rest of the year it's sunny and dry. All that sunshine sounded like a great idea. I miss rain.
Today is my niece's second birthday. I'm not there to make her a cake. That makes me sad.
We have made some decisions about what our next move will be. I'll share that will you as soon as we have a solid plan in place. Until then, I'm going to bide my time in this miserable place.

Happy weekend!

The honeymoon is over

2011-02-21T13:42:00.002-05:00

Oh, hi! Our computer has had a virus. Andy just found time to fix it last night. Yay, fixed computer! Here's the real post:

So when we first moved, there was certainly an adjustment period.

Once we were settled and developed a routine, I was quickly charmed by our new home. It was good & we were as happy as we could be with such a whirlwind change. Robert and Allison visited and we were heartened by friends and the knowledge that once we formed a community we could really make a home here.

However, as time went on it became clear to us that this was not a place to build a new home. There is no community to be had. It isn't just us either, we've spoken to several others, of varying ages and circumstances, who can't find a niche here either. More and more we feel justified in our decision to move, again.

In all this though, I've been trying to enjoy the time we still have here. It is beautiful, after all, and the only thing to do is make the most of the situation.

Until yesterday.

The bunnies were completely out of pellets & Brunswick was begging like he'd never done before. He clearly thought he was going to starve to death, despite the hay and vegetables I kept shoving in his face.

My options were to go myself on the bus or wait on Andy to get off work and go to the store. Andy's shop has extended hours for the holiday weekend and he doesn't get home until nearly 8 o'clock after a 13+ hour day. It hardly seemed fair to ask him to make a stop, plus, like I said, Brunswick thought he was starving.

So, yesterday afternoon, I bundled up and headed out. There is a bus stop at the end of our street, so I didn't have to walk far, but the wind was so strong, and I was being pelted in the face with snow because of it. I had hardly gotten out of our complex parking lot before my instincts told me I should turn around and just give Brunswick some more carrots. I didn't though. Stubbornly, I trudged on because I'd made my mind up and I was going to go to the store.

I got to the intersection and all I had left to do before I reached the shelter of the bus stop was cross the street. It's a three way stop, there were two cars at two of the stop signs already and the other had a mini van approaching it. I was a pedestrian and everyone had to stop, so I proceeded to cross the intersection.

The road was icy and I was walking carefully. Suddenly, the approaching mini van, not yet stopped, honked it's horn at me. I looked the driver in the face and mouthed, "You have a stop sign!" She proceeded to roll through the stop sign, stop in the middle of the intersection, roll down her window and say, "I know! I'm sliding & I didn't want to hit you." The wind was still blowing and I was frozen so I just said ok and continued walking to the bus stop. However, I would have liked to point out the following things to her:

1) If she hadn't been going too fast in the first place, she could have stopped at the stop sign that I know she saw because it was a straight stretch of road and the stop sign has FLASHING RED LIGHTS ON IT. If you drive on ice like you do in normal conditions, of course you are going to slide. (That idea doesn't seem to have sunk in with a lot of people around here. Even the ones who have crashed multiple times.)

2) Clearly she wasn't sliding too bad since she managed to stop her van in the middle of the intersection to explain why she honked at me.

3) If she had hit me, even though she was so courteous as to honk at me, it still would have been her fault for driving like and ass on the ice.

Ahem, moving on. I stood in the bus shelter listening to the wind and waiting, thinking that any moment the shelter was going to fall apart and collapse on me. At least, that's what it sounded like. I'm not kidding when I say the wind was brutal.

The bus came, I got on, it was packed with skiers going home at the end of the day. I did manage to find a seat, so I took it and proceeded to thaw out, until we got to the bus station where I had to get out again and brave the arctic tundra.

The bus station is behind the strip mall where I needed to go. I started walking and for the most part there was fresh snow that had been blown onto the roads and parking lot, so it wasn't too slippery. Until I got to the back of the strip mall where it was a giant ice rink. Walking very cautiously I proceeded, but when I reached the corner of the building my feet flew out from under me and I fell, hard, onto my right hip. The impact jarred me hard enough for my head to bounce off my shoulder.

Right then and there, my love affair with winter ended. I don't mind the cold & I love the snow, but now? I'm over it. I'm over this town. OVER IT!

I stood up and continued on my journey, completing my shopping and my trip home without incident. The wind was the worst part. Also, five pounds of bunny pellets doesn't sound like a lot until you have to carry it across town. My arms feel like jello.

It doesn't really occur to you how much you use your right knee and hip until every move you make causes them to throb.

So, to summarize this post: OVER IT!

Sweet Potata

2011-02-14T15:28:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day

To start your weekend off on a good note

2011-02-11T17:19:00.000-05:00

Something for your listening pleasure:

I'm currently obsessed with this song and listen to it about a million times daily.

Adele's new album comes out on February 22nd. I think I found my valentine's present (to myself since we don't celebrate V-day).

Suddenly it's Thursday

2011-02-10T14:48:00.000-05:00

At the beginning of every week I intend to post something, but Mondays are one of Andy's days off, so I spend my time with him. Then I spend Tuesday and Wednesday doing... well I'm not sure what I do with the whole day, but clearly I don't make the time to update my blog. The next thing I know it's Thursday and the week is mostly over and I haven't written a thing. I have things to write about for sure. On top of my list is my review for Black Swan that I saw several weeks ago and an update on my healthy eating and weight loss.

I could also tell you about what it's like grocery shopping here. Seriously I could make an entire post out of it. I don't know if groceries are more expensive here because of our location and it takes more man power & fuel to get them here, or because this is a resort location and they charge more simply because they can. Either way groceries are freaking expensive. I'm talking one package of bacon being the same price as three packages back in NC. Yeah, we don't eat as much bacon these days. But this past week it's like the grocery stores got the memo that people actually live and work here and they need to have proper sales from time to time. We spent just under $50 and got enough groceries for at least 5 meals and then some. That bill included 5 lbs of chicken and 8 lbs of ground beef! It was like Christmas!

But I digress. Today I'm going to give a little update about how we're doing because people have been asking since my little emotional explosion last week.

I can tell you this now, because Andy has told the necessary people at work, but we aren't planning on staying here another year. By here, I mean in the Frisco area. We do still plan on being in Colorado, but in another part.

To clarify a bit, when Andy accepted this new job and we moved, we did so with the knowledge that his position would be seasonal and further employment would depend on his performance during this first ski season. I'm not telling you this because things haven't gone well, in fact Andy's store consistently out performs the other stores in the district. The fact that Andy's job is seasonal is important because it makes our decision to leave easier. He isn't committed to something full time/year round (yet) and so by pulling out early it allows his company to easier be able to choose who they want to keep on. We both feel that it would be unfair to lead them on, hence him telling them already that he's made a decision. Of course, Andy's company has stores all over the state (and even in some surrounding states), so there is the possibility that he will just apply for transfer. But at the moment, that is one of the many possibilities he's looking into.

So, what lead us to this decision? It's something we've both been thinking for a while, long before Andy's frustration with his coworkers. I think, in the end, that is the straw that broke it for him, but there are things outside of Andy's employment that have made us want to relocate.

Mostly (and this is the deciding factor for me) the culture here is all wrong for us. I don't mean the difference between the south and the west. As a matter of fact, there are quite a few people here who are originally from the south, and everywhere else in the country. I can count on one hand the number of people we have met that are actually from Colorado. Which isn't really a problem, it's just kind of odd. The biggest issue is the "party" or "vacation" lifestyle that people seem to lead here. People work, certainly, but it seems they only work to pay the bills. No one cares about getting ahead, saving for the future, buying a home, not that anyone could because the average cost for a 1000 sq/ft condo is about $250,000. Perpetual vacation is at the top of everyone's list, and while vacation is fun, at the end of it I'm ready to get back to life, calm and steady.

All this has made it very difficult for us to make any friends. Granted, it takes me longer to make friends anyway. I tend to be more cautious and reserved, only making room in my life for people I feel deserve my time and devotion. Andy makes friends more easily, and usually can make a buddy pretty fast. I think in general men are like this because their gender makes it easy to have several friends you don't need to devote a lot of attention to, but that is another post, for another day. The point is that Andy has been working for three and a half months, and has had a lot of interaction with people in his store and in the sister stores within the company. He has yet to find a single person he can relate to. That isn't like him, at all.

While the place we live in is surely beautiful, and has the quaint small town America feel we love, that isn't all we need. Everyone needs a community. Even the most desolate of places can seem welcoming and cozy if you have some friends to share it with.

And so, all these things together have lead us to the decision that we need to cut our loses and move on. It's been fun, but this is truly a vacation town. I would love to come back, but only for a visit.

Where are we going? There are a few places we have in mind, one in particular. Until we make a solid decision though, I'm going to keep that to myself. There are some loose ends to tie up. Andy needs to finish out his season. We have a year lease with Drew, so if we decide to move before next October something has to be done about that. Also, we're hoping to travel a little in the spring. Including a trip home. Right now we're both jonesing for the welcoming embrace of the south and our family.

So that's where we stand now. I'm not sorry we moved here. It's just one of life's experiences to tuck under our ever expanding belt. Live where you are and learn more about yourself and then move on to something else, hopefully better.

Please, please, let it be over soon

2011-02-04T14:56:00.000-05:00

If there was any doubt that February was the most shittastic month, this week has erased it.

First, there was the heat issue. Tuesday afternoon the repair man came and got our heat running again. Which is great, except that it doesn't seem to be very effective. Here's the thing: on Tuesday the temperature never got out of the negatives. I think the high that day was -1. So cold that every time you stepped outside and took a breath your nose hairs instantly froze. On Wednesday morning, when Andy drove to work the temp was -32. You were at risk of frostbite after being outside a mere three minutes. Public schools were on a two hour delay because of the temperature, not snow or inclimate weather, it was just. that. cold.

All the while the new motor on our heater has been running non stop. I'm not kidding. It hasn't turned off since he hooked it up Tuesday afternoon. And it was just last night when the thermostat in our apartment barely reached 70. It's been hovering between 65 and 70 all week. We aren't sure if it's because the temperatures have been so cold, and the apartment was kind of cold to begin with and the new heater just hasn't been able to catch up. Or if it's because it's a less powerful motor & can't heat the apartment effectively. It's only a little over 700 square feet. We aren't asking for a miracle here, just a warm place to live.

So, yeah. We're tired of being cold. Seriously.

But that isn't the worst thing that's been happening this week.

Andy has been very stressed out at work, and not a normal level of stress. Everyone's job is stressful, even if they love it. I can't/won't go into a lot of detail because 1) it isn't my job and 2) the details aren't anyone's business, but suffice it to say people are being selfish and childish and need to put on their grown up underwear and realize that they are in the real world now & not everything works out perfectly all the time.

OK, that was me, venting. The thing is, Andy is running one of the largest stores in the area. That, alone, comes with a large amount of stress to get it right and to make all those customers happy. When you add childish and petty coworkers on top of that, you get a very stressed out manager & husband. Which, in turn, stresses me out. I hate that he is going through this right now. I especially hate that I can't do anything about it. My personality is much more confrontational than Andy's, and all this week I've been wanting to march myself down to his store and tell a select few people just what a bunch of petty assholes they're being and to build a freaking bridge already. It's probably a good thing that I don't have a car right now.

I'm sorry I have to be so vague. The mature thing to do is not tell the whole story, so that's what I'm doing even though I'd like to give specific details including full names and addresses, but I will refrain.

The tip of the iceberg though, was a text message that Andy sent me this morning. It said a great many things, but the statement that stood out to me was, "I'm can't stand how grumpy I am every day."

Now, let me tell you that Andy can put on some serious grump. He is no stranger to the bad mood, and he has certainly had jobs in the past that put him in a horrible mood for months at a time.

In college, he was a resident assistant (we both were) and his first year was spent in the worst building, on the most difficult floor. If there was a rule, his residents broke it. By the end of that year he was unbearable to be around. His entire person exuded bad mood vibes and it was contagious.

A similar mood presented itself last year during ski season. He was carrying one of his coworkers, and had been doing so for well over a year. He was exhausted and angry that he was doing all this extra work while this other person was simply permitted to show up (sometimes) and still get paid. Again, he was unbearable to be around. Nothing was so welcome as the end of ski season 2010. Our household took a huge sigh of relief last spring.

The thing is, Andy has never been so disgusted with work that he was bothered by his own bad mood. He's never gotten tired of himself. So, something has to change. Although I don't think it's going to happen this ski season. At this point it would be unwise to make a staffing change because the season is more than half over.

I guess the best we can hope for is that the next two months pass quickly and with little incident.

Also, that this godforsaken week be over, post haste. I'm not even sure it would benefit from a do-over. It just needs to end, and hopefully next week will be better.

The most exciting thing that's happening

2011-02-01T13:17:00.001-05:00

Hello, February! January is the month of new beginnings. March is the month of welcoming Spring. So what is February? It's the month of survival! It's cold and unwelcoming, and though it boasts Groundhog day, President's day and Valentine's day, February still seems to be the most lackluster month in the calendar year. Poor February.

I was on the phone with my mom last week and she commented on my lack of blogging. Mostly she wanted more pictures. I told her the truth: I haven't taken any pictures because I don't do anything. Andy is in the middle of his season and doesn't have a lot of time to spend with me. On his day's off he's tired and I feel bad asking him to go, go, go with me all over, so we mostly stay home. I'm used to this, but in NC I had a car and a working knowledge of the area I was in. It was easier for me to get out and about and do things on my own. Here though I'm car-less (for the time being) and it takes an eternity to go anywhere on the bus. Plus there are only so many places I'm familiar with and feel comfortable going alone. We've only been here three months, after all. I have a feeling in a couple more months there will be much more to tell. Ski season is always sort of a slow time for us.

Anyway, there is one thing that has happened. Our heat broke.

Last Monday I woke up and had to force myself out of bed because it seemed extra chilly in our room. That's not unusual. Our bedroom always runs a few degrees colder than the rest of the apartment. Except when I came into the common area it was cold too, and that is not normal. The heat usually works overtime and I'm hot in the living room. I looked at the thermostat and it said 65. Again, that's not normal. I turned the heat up and nothing happened. I knew something was wrong, but waited until Andy got home so he could investigate. (That was his day off & he'd gone out for the morning, but came home at lunch.) He did some poking and prodding and determined that the motor was broken.

We contacted the property manager & after a quick look to make sure he knew the problem he called the repair man and ordered the part. This was Monday, the part and repair man should arrive on Wednesday. In the mean time he gave us three space heaters (one that was broken), plus we had one of our own. They worked pretty well because the apartment isn't large. Also, we are surrounded by other units in a concrete building. We're pretty well insulated and when I started to think about it, I had actually been a little chilly for two or three days. It's likely the heat had been broken for a while, but it took some time to realize it because the apartment holds the warmth so well. Go figure.

Wednesday came and so did the repair man, late, of course. He took one look and told me he was pretty sure the motor wasn't the only problem. Not one to give up easily, he took everything apart before he made his final diagnosis. Indeed, the motor wasn't enough. More parts had to be "tracked down" and another appointment would need to be made with the repair man once the other parts arrived.

Now, all this was fine. We had the space heaters, the apartment holds heat well and the temperature had taken a sharp turn towards "warm" for several days. It was like a tropical heat wave here last week. If you consider 40 degrees warm, and we do after averaging in the high teens to low twenties for weeks. So, not big deal about the heat. Except yesterday the temperature dropped again. The high was in the teens, plus there was more snowfall, and today the high is forecasted to be just over 0.

I realize that no one is really to blame for our heat still being broken, but at this point I would really appreciate some haste in getting it fixed. Not to mention that it's cold enough now that the space heaters need to be constantly running which 1) makes me nervous and 2) causes the breaker to flip regularly, annoying.

Yesterday the property manager stopped in to say that the new parts and repair man should be here today. I hope he's right. In the meantime, I'm going to put on an extra pair of socks.

Food for thought

2011-01-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

When a food item is pickled in a brine we call it by it's name, but add "pickled" to the beginning. Such as: pickled eggs, pickled beets, pickled pigs feet, etc.

However, when cucumbers are pickled we don't call them pickled cucumbers. We call them pickles.

Why?

This one is for Julie

2011-01-19T18:20:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking for several days now that I should really post something because the post at the top of the page for over a week has been a picture of Andy's disgusting, improvised dinner. Then yesterday Julie posted on my Facebook wall confirming exactly what I was thinking. So, for her I'll post something new because I need to and I've been meaning to post this for a long time.

When Robert and Allison were here a few weeks ago, we were cruising through Wal-mart and found a clearance gingerbread village kit. Allison and I thought it looked like fun and so I bought it for us to put together one evening.

We were so busy the whole time we didn't get around to constructing the village. I took some video of the construction, or rather, I had Drew take some video, but the evening quickly went from silly to inappropriate, so I'm not going to post any of the video. Sorry. You'll just have to use your imagination and look at the pictures.

Laying out the panels for each house

Well on our way to a fully constructed village

Decking the halls

Fully constructed and decorated with sugar

Something funny: Drew, who is somewhat challenged in the kitchen, said something about molasses while he was filming us putting the houses together. When I asked what he was talking about he said that he was referring to the "stuff" we were using to build the village. He thought it was molasses because he knew that was used for gingerbread houses. I guess he wasn't too far off. Molasses is a main ingredient in gingerbread after all.

Also, these things are NOT tasty, in case you were wondering. I recommend making some gingerbread to eat while you're doing this kind of kit because it's kind of like eating cardboard smothered in sugar.

I can't win them all

2011-01-10T23:35:00.000-05:00

I may be making an effort to eat better, but I can't force Andy to do the same.

This was his dinner tonight:

Contents: Ramen noodles, canned chili, cheddar cheese and sour cream.

We have real food in the fridge. He ate this by choice.

When he gets a stomach ache tomorrow he's going to have to go somewhere else for sympathy.

Tis the season to blog about health and weight loss

2011-01-09T13:10:00.002-05:00

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you know I'm not a dieter. I believe that diet is what you eat. Plain and simple. If you are eating food on a regular basis, regardless of what that food is, you are on a diet. I'm a cheerleader for the "eat what you want" movement. However, I believe that if you're going to have an open and unrestricted diet you need to be aware of what is going in your mouth and attaching itself to your midsection.

It's pretty simple. All you have to do is look at the food pyramid. I'm not a fan of counting calories or fat grams, but if you just pay attention to that pyramid you see that the largest sections on it are for vegetables, milk products and grains (carbs! you should eat carbs!), with the fruits section not far behind, but slightly smaller because of the sugar content in fruit.

I'm not trying to be preachy, you can interpret the pyramid any way you choose. I'm pretty sure they have an interactive pyramid now that allows you to customize it to your own lifestyle and needs. However, when I look at it and think back on the last two months, I know I have failed miserably & my body has been letting me know it.

Y'all, there are so many restaurant options here. I mean, on our main street alone there has to upwards of 15 places to eat. I haven't counted, but that is a low estimate. I'm not talking about chains, oh no, we aren't big fans of chain restaurants in our house. We like cute little hole-in-the-wall, undiscovered, but incredibly tasty places & this town is riddled with them. In the last two months of living in Colorado we have eaten out more than we did in the previous ten months living in North Carolina. Not only is it sucking all the money out of our bank account, but it's sucking out all my energy as well. Then throw in all the restaurant food with the rich & unhealthy, albeit delicious, food from Thanksgiving and Christmas, and you have a recipe for a very unhealthy me.

It has become very cliche for people to start watching their diet in January. How many of you made a resolution to make 2011 the year you take off those extra pounds and finally start eating right? There is a reason the number one new year's resolution is to lose weight & get fit. It's because we have spent two months over indulging and generally feel like crap because of it. If the new year started in September after we were all fresh off the vacation bandwagon the number one resolution would be to wear more sunscreen.

Anyway, the point is, if you listen to your body it will tell you what you need. And what I need is more vegetables. I said so to Andy a couple weeks ago, "I think I need to eat more green things. I haven't been eating enough vegetables." This was confirmed for me on our latest trip to the grocery store when I kept going back to the produce section because as I shopped the aisles of prepackaged and prepared foods I kept thinking of another fruit or vegetable that sounded so good to me I had to have it rightthatsecond. Honestly, if I could have, I would have just gathered up one of everything in produce and started eating it right there in the store. If that isn't a cry for help I don't know what is. A plea from my body to stop shoving all that crap inside.

Then, one day last week, I was watching a morning show on television and they said that statistically every woman gains an average of eight pounds over the holiday season. Eight! Pounds! And I'm pretty sure I'm above average. Of course, I'm above average the one time that isn't a good thing.

That brings me to the second part of the number one new year's resolution, exercise. Or if that's a dirty word to you, movement. You don't have to sweat like a farm animal to exercise, just get out and move. Pull your rump up off the sofa or out of your desk chair and take a walk. Take advantage of all the winter sports that are available. Too cold for you? Go window shopping at the mall. Just move your body, that is the most important thing and the first step in making exercise a habit.

I'll be honest. My life has been dismally lacking in exercise lately. When we first got here it snowed non stop for about two weeks. I don't run in the snow. Mainly because I've had a broken ankle once and that was once too much for me. I tend to go cautiously and not tempt the conditions when it comes to outdoor exercise. However, Andy and I did walk a lot when we first moved because every where here is so walkable. So I didn't feel so bad about the lack of running.

Then Andy's job started to get more demanding. It took him some time to hire the rest of his management team, so he had to fill in the gaps. Then the first busy spurt hit with the onset of the holidays and he had to be at work for all that. Basically he was lucky to get one day off a week and he was so tired all he wanted to do was sleep. We only have one car and I'm not familiar enough with the trails around here to get out on my own yet. I've started to venture out more and more, one day walking my legs off around the local outlet mall, but mostly I've just been sticking close to home, and my sofa.

But lately I've been feeling like crap and I haven't had to search too hard to figure out why. Not to mention that I haven't really slept well since we moved. A friend suggested I try yoga as a sleep inducer. At this suggestion I remembered that I have a PM Pilates DVD that is actually a good little workout and has always worked to lull me off to sleep. I pulled it out on Friday and the last two nights I haven't had any trouble sleeping. It's been great.

So, yeah, not only am I guilty of slowly killing my body with take out, I've been doing it with laziness too. I'm not sure what the point of this post is other than just putting it out there. If I admit it to someone other than myself it makes me feel like I can't keep avoiding the inevitable. Also, I want this to be an encouragement to all of you who did make a resolution to change yourself this year. Even if this has been your resolution for the past five years, let this be the year you stick with it.

I wouldn't say that I have made a resolution or goal to change my diet and start exercising. I was a vegetable freak before, trying my best to make sure that Andy and I both ate something green daily and peppering in other colors in as wide a variety as I could get him to eat. Also, I know I have exercised on a regular basis before. That isn't something new to me and I know I feel better when I do it. So I guess I need to resolve to get back on track. Yeah, that sounds right.

So here's to making 2011 our healthiest year. Happy resolving!

UPDATE: I took a walk on Main St. this afternoon & counted all the restaurants. There are 21. Plus one tea bar, one coffee shop and a natural foods market that boasts a deli. So if you count those 24, and not a single one is a chain. Crazy.

Awesome

2011-01-04T18:11:00.001-05:00

After we watched the fireworks on Friday night, we decided it was time to head home, but first I wanted to stop and see the chocolate alpine village. I had read about it on the resort website and thought it might be fun to go check out. A whole village made of chocolate? Who wouldn't love that?

I love baking and candy making and one of my favorite things on television is anything pastry related, so I was really excited to see this thing. Chocolate is something I have only dabbled in and it never ceases to amaze me what people can do with it. I had an image in my head of what the village would be like. I mean, I knew it would be really cool to see little houses and things made of chocolate, but nothing could have prepared me for the awesomeness that it was, or the scale at which it was executed.

Every time I looked I saw something different. I was completely blown away. Awesome is the only way to describe it. The whole time I did my best to act like the 28 yr old that I am, but inside? Inside I was jumping up and down, just like a kid, yelling, "OH MY GOSH! WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT?! HOLY CRAP! THAT'S ALL MADE OF CHOCOLATE!" Every time I looked I saw something different and honestly I could have stood there for several hours taking in all the details.

I can't really describe it all. Luckily we took a lot of pictures and I even shot a little video in order to show you the moving (MECHANICAL!) train and gondola. Also made of chocolate.

"This is so awesome!" That's all I could really say for a few minutes.

Click photos to enlarge.

Awesome.

A rediculously long post about my hair

2011-01-03T13:21:00.002-05:00

It's been a year since I chopped my hair off. 2010 was the year of the pixie and now I've decided to grow it out again.

For a while I toyed with the idea of going even shorter. A la Emma Watson's new doo:

via

I love, love, love this hair cut. Andy was less than enthusiastic when I asked his opinion, but you know what? It's my hair.

Ultimately, I have decided to put this uber-short style on the back burner. You see, last spring my hair developed a new identity called "getting older" and it has caused me to rethink my hair choices. What started out as three gray hairs on the top of my head has multiplied and spread to other parts of my cranium. I studiously refused to pull out any of my grays, and threatened bodily harm to those who tried, for fear that pulling them out would cause more to appear. Alas, my tolerance of the original squatters did nothing to deter others from joining the party.

What does all this have to do with cutting my hair or growing it out? Well, I'm just not ready to start coloring my hair. I like my natural color and while there are a couple specks of silver in it now, there aren't enough for me to consider covering them up. With a short cut like the one above, though, you can see every.single.hair, including the gray ones. It's a lot easier for a gray hair to get lost in longer hair. If it's short? There's no covering the gray unless you're using color from a bottle.

My decision has been made and my last hair cut was three months ago. Usually, if I were going to keep up my pixie, I would head to the salon about now. Instead I've been having battles with the flat iron every morning trying to work my shaggy mop into something respectable. A couple days ago I knew the battle was over and I was going to have to get a trim. If you've ever grown out a pixie you know it takes regular trims to keep it from looking like you've turned into a character from Fraggle Rock. With my trusted hair dresser 1600 miles away, in North Carolina, and my hair staging a revolt every morning, I had reached a crossroads; deal with the mess until it got a little longer (possibly another three months) or fork over the cash to someone I've never met who could potentially ruin all my hard work.

It would have caused me physical pain to pay $50+ to someone for a trim. And then what happens if they suck and screw up my hair? Generally I don't trust a new stylist with a lot of layers & if my hair has anything right now it's layers, upon layers of hair. On the other hand, it was in no shape to grow for another three months untended. Something had to be done, as I was looking more and more each day like I had a mullet. In truth, my hair is healthy and only needed an inch taken off the bottom in the back. Just to make it look a little more like a bob and less like a grown out pixie cut, which is exactly what it was. I would have just done it myself, but I'm not a contortionist and I can't take my head off or turn it around, so I was at a loss.

In a moment of desperation last night after dinner, I bought some trimming shears and a mirror. Then we came home, I gave Andy a quick tutorial on what to do and I turned him loose. I enlisted the help of our house guests and roommate to make sure it was straight and that he wasn't cutting large chunks out of the back of my head.

After it was all over and I could breathe again, I looked in the mirror and you know, he didn't do a half bad job. It got the extra inch off the back and while it certainly isn't a pro job, it will pass for another three months until my hair has more growth and I feel comfortable letting a stranger cut it.

Have you ever grown out a pixie cut? How did you deal with it & keep yourself sane?

Predictions for 2011

2011-01-01T12:01:00.005-05:00

Happy New Year!

Wow, yesterday was a whirlwind day, to say the least. I was going, going, going from sun rise to well past sun set, but it was so much fun and well worth the exhaustion.

Several years ago I read (or heard of) an old wives tale that what you do on New Year's Eve is an indication of what the upcoming year will be like for you. On New Year's Eve 2008 and 2009 Andy and I spent a quiet evening alone in our apartment in North Carolina. We were living in a town we loved and knew well, somewhere we had made a home and community for ourselves. There were any number of people we could have spent time with, but we chose to just be a couple, not a group. It was cozy with our fire going and the curtains flung wide so we could watch the midnight fireworks display from the comfort of our sofa.

I can certainly see some truth in the New Year's Eve superstition. We haven't been alone for the last two years. I don't mean that. We have always been surrounded and bolstered by our family and friends. However, we've been on a journey these last two years in which we were sort of alone. Despite all the support in the world, these years have been a test and trial that we could only tackle together. Each of us experiencing it from a different perspective, but still being the only person to know what the other has experienced. I don't mean to say that our loved ones haven't been there with us, but Andy and I are the only two people who have lived this nightmare, day in and day out, for two years.

I don't mean to be pessimistic. The whole point of this tirade is to say that in the last couple of months we've been able to see a change. There is some hope - a small light at the end of the tunnel, and as the new year grew closer I started to feel more and more peaceful about it's coming and excited about the possibility of a new beginning. I don't expect 2011 to be free of heartache or hardship, but the older you get the more you realize that both of those things are just a part of life. I just have this feeling, deep down inside, that this year is going to be good for us.

So, if New Year's Eve really is an indication, and we spent the last two years surrounded by love, but ultimately alone, then 2011 should truly be a landmark year for the Steele family. Because NYE 2010 couldn't have been more different than the last two years, nor yet any year since we've been married.

All day yesterday was spent with old friends in this new place we call home. I think that will be the tag line for 2011: "Experiencing new things and places with old friends." I like it.

Our friends Robert and Allison came into town on Thursday and they are staying with us until Tuesday. I can't tell you how nice it is to see some familiar faces.

The morning started with fresh brewed coffee & warm cider, from scratch breakfast including spinach quiche and sweet potato hasbrowns. The in between was a blur of activity and I'll have to let the photos do (most) the talking for that. We ended at home, in our pajamas eating leftovers and drinking hot toddies. We watched "When Harry Met Sally" (my favorite NYE movie & a yearly tradition), which ended exactly at 10pm. At which point we said, "Happy New Year, East Coast!" and went to bed because we were all exhausted from the day.

Here are the photos (most of them) from the day. Some are kind of grainy and poor quality due to the fact that it didn't get out of the negative temps yesterday and we were just trying to take the picture as quickly as possible, sometimes shivering.

Micro brews are a big deal here, so on top of the list was to go to some local pubs and try out a couple of the local specialties.

First was Dillon Dam Brewery, named after the dam, which is huge and if you ever come to visit me I'll take you over the dam road, which I have yet to get a satisfactory photo of. The view and the ride are really something to behold. I guess the beer is alright too...

Next, we dropped Robert and Allison at the Backcountry Brewery in Frisco. Andy and I went home for a little rest before the evening's festivities.

The resort did a 6:30 fireworks show and a later show around 10. We opted to go to the earlier show to help avoid the crowd and because we didn't really want to stay out too late.

We parked across the highway and walked through this underground tunnel. The mural was all the way through the tunnel and in the stairwells leading up to the resort.

The fireworks were set off on the lake, which in the winter serves as the ice skating rink.

There were several ice sculptures around the lake. Andy was making fun of me at this point for taking so many pictures & acting like a kid in a candy store, but this is all new to me. I'm still kind of a tourist and in a way it feels like we're on a really long vacation. So, until it sinks in that I really live here, I plan to enjoy everything around me.

Santa's sleigh made of ice. I wasn't going to sit. Jeans aren't water proof and it was something like -10*. No amount of long underwear was going to make me sit on that block of ice.

These were in front of the sleigh. The trees are carved from ice too, in case you can't tell.

We tried to warm up around one of the outdoor fire pits,

but eventually gave up and went into one of the shops.

I fell in love with this purple tree.

We were going to ice skate, but it was kind of expensive. If we'd been willing to spend a couple hours on the lake it would have been worth it, but like I said, it was so, so cold and we just weren't going to fork over the cash to call it quits after 10 minutes. So we just hung out in the shelter next to the lake and watched the fireworks display.

Here's a video I took of the fireworks. You can hear the carols playing over the loud speaker. That was a nice touch.

Once we got home we started a fire and just relaxed. It was a really nice way to end the evening.

There is one more thing we did at the resort before coming home to relax, but that deserves a post to itself. I'll get it up soon.

I hope you all have a joyful new year!

P.S. My resolution this year is to just enjoy life and to make the most of what this year has to hold.

P.P.S. The red hat I'm wearing in these pictures was my mom's hat from the 70's. I always get compliments on it and it just goes to show that if you wait long enough, everything comes back in vogue.

Hip, Hop, Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T12:13:00.000-05:00

I hope it's wonderful & you all have someone to smooch at midnight.

We are enjoying having some company. See you in 2011!

Joanna & family

Obligatory Christmas Post

2010-12-27T15:11:00.000-05:00

Hi! How was your holiday weekend?

Mine was good. Much, much better than Thanksgiving.

Friday night we went to church and I was decked out in my new outfit from my in-laws. Sorry, no picture. We rushed home after the service because we were all hungry as we hadn't eaten dinner yet. Plus my cinnamon rolls were rising and needed to be baked before I went to bed.

The service was simply okay. I expect a few things out of a Christmas service; a candle light ceremony, communion and some traditional hymns/carols sung with clear strong voices. The service we went to had none of those things. To make matters worse, we got there right on time, at 6, and when we got to the door the greeters asked us how many were in our party. Three, we said and they told us it was alright for us to go in, but they had very few seats left and they had been turning larger groups away. What the what? Turning people away on Christmas eve?! Seriously? There was no room in the inn, but they at least found a place for Mary to deliver her baby. We won't be returning to that particular church.

Anyway, Saturday, Andy and Drew both had to work, but Drew only worked half a day, so he was here in the morning and Andy got to come home for a long lunch. That was nice. I wasn't all alone from sun up to sun down. And when they were gone I was a cooking fool while I alternated between listening to carols and watching Christmas movies.

On the menu: duck, raspberry relish, dinner rolls, dressing, prosciutto wrapped green bean bundles, acorn squash, hash-brown casserole and cherry pie for dessert.

It was a delightful dinner. This was my first time making duck and it was so, so good. However, if you have a large crowd it would be prudent to cook two or three ducks. They don't have a lot of meat.

How was your Christmas day?

On the first day of Christmas

2010-12-26T12:49:00.004-05:00

There is something I need to clear up. Christmas DID NOT end yesterday.

The religious studies major in me can't keep quiet any longer. For the last twelve days I've seen a great many "countdowns" to Christmas. I've tried to hold my tongue because I don't want to be "that guy" that spoils everyone's fun. But someone please answer me this: if the twelve days of Christmas is the twelve days leading up to December 25th, then what is the point of the Advent, which takes place in the first twenty five days of December? Why have two countdowns that overlap each other?

Don't know? I'll answer for you. The twelve days of Christmas are the twelve days AFTER December 25th. They are celebrated as the days between Jesus' birth and they day the three kings (or wise men) arrived to bestow their gifts on the wee babe. That day is called Epiphany and is celebrated on January 6th.

It's true! I promise! Read all about it here.

Whew, I feel better now that I've got that off my chest.

My decorations will be staying up until January 7th.

Merry Christmas!

Merry & Happy

2010-12-24T12:53:00.000-05:00

I'm in much better spirit's for Christmas than I was for Thanksgiving. I still miss my family and friends back in NC, but next week we have visitors coming, so that takes the sting off a bit, and I also have lot's of things to do in the kitchen. Being down in the dumps gets in the way of my holiday baking and cooking mojo.

I hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend, complete with wishes granted, holiday miracles and goodwill spread far and wide.

Love and blessings,

The Steele's

Dreams really do come true

2010-12-20T16:48:00.000-05:00

I was going to write today about all the snow we've been getting, and how much I'm loving it. I was also going to make fun of my mother because I talked to her a few days ago about the uncharacteristic, extreme weather the whole state of North Carolina was slammed with last week and she said to me, "I'm just ready for it to be spring already.", and I laughed at her because winter doesn't even officially start until tomorrow.

I was going to write about all those things until I had a phone conversations with Julie this morning.

First she told me that she was in the wine section at the grocery store today and for whatever reason she suddenly realized how much she missed me and broke down into tears. Then a woman approached her and asked if she was ok and if she needed to get help for her problem with alcohol. I'm sorry she's sad and I miss her too, but hahahahahahahaha. You can't make that kind of stuff up, and if you knew Julie, you'd know that something like that could only happen to her.

But, again, that isn't the point of this post. The point is that a little later in our conversation I was telling her about how I had taken a nice long walk on main street yesterday in the snow and really enjoying myself until the wind changed and the flakes started smacking me in the face. So, I crossed the street and changed directions to come back home and along the way I passed the town square. It isn't really a town square, it's the Frisco historical park that serves as the town square. It has a gazebo in the center of it with a gigantic Christmas tree and a full on, red sleigh in the center for Santa to sit in when he visits town. There is also a painting of carolers with the faces cut out so you can stand behind it and take pictures. And, of course, the whole thing is covered in a thick blanket of snow right now. It's very picturesque and I've been wanting to take a picture for a while now, which is what I was telling Julie, except some people had just walked into the gazebo yesterday when I was walking by, and I didn't want to be that creepy stranger taking their picture, so I just kept on walking.

That was the end of my story and as soon as I finished, Julie blurted, "You live in Star's Hollow!"

Which is the point of this post.

OH MY GOSH! I DO LIVE IN STAR'S HOLLOW!

In case you don't know what that is, it's the picture perfect, story book town that is the setting for the television show, The Gilmore Girls, with which Julie and I have an unhealthy obsession. The town has all kinds of festivals (one for every month), there is a large gazebo in the middle of town and it's in Connecticut so it snows a lot there.

For years now Julie and I have both fantasized about how we'd like to live in a town like Star's Hollow, and here I am. I didn't even realize it until she pointed it out, but I'm living the dream, baby.

I talked to Andy and told him what she said and he even agreed, except he said our town has more bars, which is certainly true. People here are all about the micro brew. We are certainly not in the Bible belt anymore.

So that's what I wanted to tell you. Dreams really do come true.

Photogenic Friday: A patchwork Christmas

2010-12-18T17:31:00.001-05:00

I tried and tried and tried to post this yesterday. I had actually filmed a little video of my decorations, but it just wouldn't upload and I don't know if it was my fault or blogger's. Oh well.

When Andy and I moved in November, we left a large chunk of our belongings back in North Carolina to pick up at a later, undetermined, date. Our new apartment was unfurnished, 300 square feet less than we usually had and contained a third person. It just didn't make sense to haul all our stuff across the country to pay someone to store it for us when we could store it in NC for free. Among the things we left behind were all of our Christmas decorations. All the decorations I'd taken time to pick out or hand craft are still in their box and will stay there for another year. I miss them.

I couldn't let Christmas pass with no decorations, but at the same time we didn't really need to spend the money on new ones, especially since we wouldn't have had anywhere to store them when Christmas was over. So, I made all our decorations this year. I bought a gigantic pack of paper (180 12x12 sheets) all with different, but coordinating designs, and pulled out my Cricut cutter (I didn't bring a lot of things, but I refused to leave NC without my craft supplies). It took some time, but I have achieved an end result that I'm happy with.

When I got everything put up I looked around and realized that it reminds me of a patchwork quilt, which in turn makes me think of the South and home.

(Click photos to enlarge)

Merry Christmas banner

Cards over the window

Snowflakes!

Tiny little tree

Christmas village

The other half

If they have to be on the mantle, they have to be decorated

Update: My Christmas cards are going in the mail today. They didn't arrive until yesterday. This is the latest I have ever sent out my cards and it's stressing me out. I appears the postal service here is painfully slow, which I hope is just a result of the holiday season and not a year round problem. Look for your cards next week!

Happy holidays!

The name game

2010-12-14T13:01:00.001-05:00

Every now and then, Andy and I will play "the name game." It's when we throw a name out there all, "Bam! How 'bout them apples" in reference to our hypothetical, non-existent, futuristic children. We don't do it often, just whenever one of us has heard a name that piques our interest.

So, yesterday I had a name and in the afternoon I casually drop it into our conversation. It went like this:

Me: What do you think of the name Veda?

Andy: Like Darth Vader from Star Wars?

Me: No, like for a girl. Veda is a girl's name.

Andy: (in his Darth Vader voice) Veda, I am your father. No, I really don't think you want to do that.

He's such a huge Star Wars fan. I really should have seen that coming.

Oh well, mark that one off the list. At least I got a good laugh out of it.

Photogenic Friday: Dear Andy

2010-12-10T15:26:00.000-05:00

My dearest husband,

Thank you for putting up the iron and ironing board last night like I asked you to. It really means a lot when you do things you say you will.

Hugs and kisses,

Wifey

P.S. I forgive you because you're coming home early today to spend some QT with me.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

2010-12-09T15:54:00.001-05:00

I still have a couple more decorations to make for our apartment, so I'm not quite ready to post pictures of it.

To tide you over I thought I'd share a sampling of the lights that are up around town.

"Lighting up the town" takes on a whole new meaning around here. Lights are a big deal, especially colored lights. In North Carolina it seemed like white lights were the thing to do. That is not the case here and in certain areas it looks like Christmas threw up on the trees and buildings. I LOVE IT!

Here is the display in front of our post office.

Also, at the "front" of main street there is a really awesome display, but it's so big and it's at a large, busy intersection. I've been wanting to take a picture for a while now, but couldn't figure out how to get the whole thing in one shot or how to not get run over in the process. But last night we drove past and I had the video camera with me so I took a short video. It isn't great, but you get the idea. Notice how some of the lights "move" and the trees behind the "Frisco" sign aren't strung, but they have a spotlight that changes colors.

Here We Go A Wassaling

2010-12-08T13:56:00.002-05:00

I think I'm going to try to name every new post after a holiday carol until Christmas. Thoughts?

Things have gotten better. I'm trying to make a real effort to embrace Colorado and our time here, however long that may be. I wanted to move here, after all, so I'm just going to have to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get on with life. Being down in the dumps is just not who I am.

Part of the problem has been that I haven't really been sharing with Andy that I've been sad. One of his biggest concerns before we moved was that I would get here and hate it. In which case he would feel responsible because we moved here for a job opportunity for him. That isn't the only reason we moved, of course. There were reasons that fulled him even looking for jobs out of state, but ultimately, we weren't going to move without a guaranteed income. So I just haven't told him because I did want to make him feel responsible for how I was feeling.

But Friday, after I wrote it all down for the world to see (Andy reads this blog, but only occasionally and he reads a lot at once, so he wouldn't have seen that post yet), I decided to share a little bit of what was going on inside my head. And I felt better. He understands and he's been making more of an effort to do things with me or get me out of the apartment more, even if it's just for a few minutes at a time.

Julie sent me some fun socks & I wore them Friday to make myself feel better

Friday, Andy took a half day off work and we went out to run some errands. We opened a bank account here and serviced the truck and went to Walmart. Oh, Walmart. I have a Target now that is five minutes away and I still can't get away from Walmart. But that's alright, we found a teeny, tiny Christmas tree that is just the right size for all the extra space we don't have in this apartment. I've been working feverishly since Saturday on decorations and hopefully I'll finish today. Photo's forthcoming when it's all complete.

Andy took me to Smashburger for late lunch/dinner. It's one of our new favorites

Also, Friday night was the kick off to Frisco's Wassail Days! When we first learned about this potential move and I started looking at the area online I found the Wassail Days festival and I've been looking forward to it ever since. Basically, the whole thing is an effort to boost the economy in Frisco, specifically that of the main street that is filled with local retailers and restaurants. Each participating shop (which is nearly every one) makes their own special brew of Wassail and keeps it available to try for the whole week of the festival. Customers vote on which Wassail they think is the best and the winner get a trophy and bragging rights. It's silly an fun and there are other events going on in town all week. This Saturday, as part of the festival they are having a fund raising carol singing event in which all the proceeds go to a local charity.

I love that my town has something like this. It's pretty much right up my alley.

Anyway, Andy and I got out on Main street Friday night and walked around with all the other crazies who were out in twenty degree temperatures. We didn't try a whole lot of Wassail because Andy doesn't like it and after about the second cup I had to pee really bad. (That may be an over share, but it's the truth) We did get to see a little more of the town, it seems like we find a new place every time we venture out, and we went into a few shops we hadn't visited yet. I had fun. I'm not sure Andy had fun, but he enjoyed watching me get excited. Like a little school girl. I would be embarrassed if I didn't think the festival was so great.

A t-shirt in one of the shops. It tickled my funny bone

Sipping Wassail (Andy bought me a mug)

This thing was real

(PS to my Mom. This shop also has real bear rugs)

Like I said, Saturday & Sunday I made decorations. I surrounded myself with Christmas spirit, either listening to holiday music or playing movies and I made some candied pecans that were so much better than I thought they'd be. A definite make again recipe.

Yum!

On Sunday Andy surprised me by taking off another half day (he had a conference this week & didn't really get a day off, so he's been taking time where he can get it) and he obliged me by walking up and down main street again in search of fabled carol singers that we never found. We did get to try a new restaurant though, so all-in-all I'd call it a success.

I can't remember this mountain's name, but it's gigantic. You have to crane your neck to see the top

Walking back home at dusk.

Oh! When we signed up for our new bank account we got to pick out a "reward" and we got a flip video camera. It came in the mail yesterday, so expect some videos in the future!

Also, a reminder about Christmas cards. I ordered them last night, so if you want to receive one shoot me an e-mail: plannedspontaneity1@gmail.com. They are super cute this year, if I do say so myself.

Do you want a Christmas card?

2010-12-04T10:23:00.000-05:00

My offer still stands!

I'm picking out our family's holiday card this weekend so they can arrive in time for Christmas.

If you would like to receive one in the mail email me at plannedspontaneity1@gmail.com with your mailing information.

Happy weekend!

Breath of Heaven: Trying to find my Christmas Spirit

2010-12-03T13:31:00.001-05:00

Project 365 is canceled.

I'm sorry. So many of you have expressed a love for coming here on Fridays to see my weekly pictures, but the truth is my heart just isn't in it anymore. I don't go out a lot because I don't have a car and while I love getting out and walking around town, it's been too cold for that lately. Also, it happens so rarely, when I do go out I find myself wanting to really experience this new place rather than shove myself behind a lens. However, Photogenic Friday was a tradition here before I started Project 365, so next week I will reinstate it. I promise.

Moving on.

Lately I've been a dismal blogger, I know. I could come up with a thousand excuses as to why I haven't been updating regularly. I don't know if there is really one good one. Several times I've sat down to tap something out and the words just don't come. There has been a restaurant review post swimming around in my brain for a couple weeks now and one of these days (maybe next week?) I'll get it on here. We have some truly amazing eateries around and each time we venture out the "must try" list grows. It's going to take us an entire year to get to them all. Seriously.

But today something else is weighing heavy on my heart and mind. It's been there for a while, but I've been resisting the urge to put it out there in the universe because I don't want to come across as ungrateful.

But y'all, homesickness has hit me hard in the last week.

For the first little while everything was great. I wasn't homesick at all. I missed my family, but regular phone calls and chats took care of that. I was completely enthralled with this new home and never, ever wanted to leave.

Then the night before Thanksgiving, my sister-in-law, Lyssa, called me to wish me a happy holiday and chit chat about how I'd been doing. We talked about how much Andy and I love Colorado and I even said to her that I hadn't really been homesick. She told me about the kids' latest adventures, and then we said goodbye. After I hung up the phone I felt a little tug of sadness. I miss my brother and his family. I miss my nieces and nephews a lot, but I shoved those feeling aside without a lot of though. I'd see them again soon. That's what I have been telling myself every time I miss someone.

On Thanksgiving morning I woke up in a terrible mood. Andy and Drew left for work, leaving me to my own devices for the day. I sat down to write a Thanksgiving post and when I typed it out and read over what I'd written I sounded like a spoiled, bitter child. So I erased it and settled for something short and sweet instead. Then I cried. A little later I sent Julie a text message with holiday wishes and she sent me one back saying that Mina had kissed the phone as a way of sending me kisses for Thanksgiving. In that moment I wold have given my right arm to be able to teleport myself back to North Carolina to be with Julie and Mina and my family that day. Just one day.

The thing is, I have never been completely alone on a holiday. Andy has worked holidays since before we were married. That isn't anything new, but I've always had someone to spend time with. Until this year. I was alone from sunrise until after sunset, and y'all, that was really hard. I talked to my mom and others on the phone, but it just wasn't the same.

Anyway, the point is, that ever since that day I've been in a funk. Even when people call me to talk I clam up and don't want to chat, then when we get off the phone I feel bad because they just want to know how I'm doing and I fell like a grinch. Which is exactly what I am.

It feels like every day someone, in some capacity, reminds me how many days there are until Christmas and it's like they're saying, "This many days until you don't get to see your family, again."

And then there is the flip side, where I just feel worse for feeling the way I do.

I have never once doubted that this was the right decision for Andy and I to make. From the very first day when Andy applied for the job here I knew it was what we were supposed to do. It just felt right. Like after so long our world had been turned upside down and now finally we were being flipped upright again. I'm so, so grateful for the opportunity to be here in this place. The people are nice and the area we are in is absolutely breathtaking. Seriously, gorgeous.

Since Thanksgiving I've been listening to Christmas music on Pandora radio in hopes of digging out and dusting off my Holiday Mojo. Did you know that if you're already kind of sad that certain Christmas music can be seriously depressing? "I'll be home for Christmas" is a terrible song! What was the author thinking? Not uplifting! Not even a little bit.

Anyway, this morning I turned it on again and "Breath of Heaven" came on. It's one of my favorites. I love everything about it: the melancholy melody, the rhythm of the music, and the lyrics. Oh the lyrics. I was paying extra close attention this time through and this particular bit hit me like a ton of bricks:

Do you wonder, as you watch my face,
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan.
Help me be strong.

I'm not pompous enough to pretend that my battle is in the same hemisphere as Mary's, but the God I was raised with and the one I believe in doesn't see any battle as too small or inconsequential. I know, with complete certainty, that this is our plan, mine and Andy's. I feel like we are exactly where we belong, but that doesn't make this any easier.

I can't pretend like moving right before the holiday season was ever going to be simple. We can only do what we can to make the best of it. Which is what I'm trying to do, though some days are easier than others.

I feel better just getting this off my chest. And I have two things, at least, to look forward to this month. First, Wassail Days are starting in Frisco tomorrow. I'm so excited to go around to the shops participating and enjoy some hot wassail. Second, our friends Robert and Allison are coming for a visit at the end of December. I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am to have some familiar, friendly faces to celebrate New Year's with.

Once I heard a saying that said something about what you are doing at midnight on New Year's is an indication of what your next year will be like. Spending the night with old friends gives me a lot of hope for 2011.

It's Christmas card time again!

2010-11-29T15:21:00.001-05:00

Every year since we've been married, Andy and I have sent out a photo card at Christmas. Or rather, I have forced Andy to sit for pictures and I have created and mailed out the cards.

Since we had the bunnies they have played a staring roll in our annual card. This year I've been planning the bunny's Christmas photo since September. I'm very excited.

This is the original bunny photo. The one that started it all.

One of the most important things to consider when I'm planning our card is what the design should be. I always try to pick out a design that matches the photo in question. This year I've been browsing though Shutterfly's stock of Christmas and holiday cards, and I'm having a really difficult time choosing which to use. There are so many great designs that would go with our photo this year. The possibilities are endless.

This one is one of my favorites:

If you are like me (a slacker) and haven't mailed out your cards yet, head over the Shutterfly and check out their great selection of cards. They also have photo books, mugs, calendars and a whole selection of other things that would make great Christmas gifts! Also, if you are a blogger and want to get some free photo cards, go check out their site, write a little review on your blog and go here to sign up for this great holiday promotion!

BONUS!

I've decided to share the love this year. If you would like to receive our Christmas card just send an email with your mailing information and I'll be happy to put one in the mail for you.

Send your card request to: plannedspontaneity1@gmail.com

Happy card making!

A day of Gratitude

2010-11-25T10:08:00.000-05:00

Today I wish you all contentment in a full belly and a warm embrace from someone you love.

While this isn't the "perfect" Thanksgiving that I've grown accustomed to in my life, and I'm not "home" with my family, I am in my new home with my husband who I wouldn't trade for anyone. And I am comforted by the knowledge that I have much to be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.

Blessings,

Joanna

One track mind

2010-11-23T13:38:00.001-05:00

It hasn't really stopped snowing since we arrived in Colorado. There were a couple of sunny days last week, but mostly it's just been snowy. Andy has to travel further to work here than he did in NC, so he spends every night glued to the local news before he goes to bed so he can see the weather report.

Last night, he turned on the news, and then, for whatever reason, decided he wanted to take a shower. I was using the laptop, so I muted the television, but when a segment came on that I wanted to see I would turn the sound back on. The weather was one of the segments that I turned the sound on for.

Andy came out during the segment after the weather and this is what happened:

Andy: Do you know what they said on the weather?

Me: (eyes glued to the computer screen) They're forecasting more snow.

Andy: Yes, I knew that. (pauses) Was the meteorologist a man or a woman?

Me: (looking at Andy now) Ummmmm... I don't remember.

Andy: So, you don't really know what they said.

Me: No, I guess not.

What can I say? The laptop was right in front of me and it was way more interesting than the weather. What I do remember about the weather forecast is this: Blah, blah, blah, snow. Blah, blah, cold. Blah, blah, blah, blah, more snow.

Hopefully Andy learned his lesson. Probably not, though.

Project 365, week 46

2010-11-19T15:06:00.000-05:00

Week in pictures November 13-19

Stream that runs behind our apartment

"This is chili weather." -Andy

Beginning of a big snow storm

I love this hat. It was my mom's

Marathon

I woke up with a giant swollen stye

A big change from the first of the week

Earning my stripes

2010-11-17T17:31:00.001-05:00

When Andy and I had a roommate in the spring and summer it wasn't really like having a true roommate. It was a temporary situation & even though we told him to make himself at home, there was always that "house guest" vibe about the whole situation.

Now? Drew lives with us, it isn't temporary. At least, it isn't temporary for as long as we have this lease. He has made himself at home in every sense and so have we.

But y'all, men are gross. I mean, Drew is kind of OCD about some things and he cleans up after himself pretty well, but there are other things. I was talking to Andy about it the other day and he said it best. "It's like you're living in a locker room." Yes, that must be exactly what it's like, except we're all dressed.

In truth, it really isn't all that bad. He's a good guy and he's pretty respectful. But I will say that it's a good thing I have a dull sense of smell because I get serenaded nightly by their fart trumpets. Seriously, I downloaded the "big fart button" on my smart phone for a laugh and since we've all moved in together it has been rendered completely unnecessary. If you ever come to visit me I advise you to pack a gas mask. Maybe I'll just buy some to have on hand for unprepared visitors.

Also, Drew's sense of humor is not unlike that of a 13 year old boy. I think every man's humor development stalls out at 13, so Andy suffers from the same affliction. Except he has lived with me for four years and that has helped to curb some of the completely unnecessary, juvenile jokes. But with the two of them together it's gotten worse, and don't even get me started on how they completely ignore the don't-talk-when-Joanna's-shows-are-on rule. I think I'm going to make a sign to post over the television so when they start to giggle like a pack of prepubescent man children I can just point to the sign while simultaneously turning up the volume on the television.

One and a half weeks down, fifty and a half to go.

Oh! Oh! One more thing. Drew's sweet tooth rivals mine and there is a possibility that he loves chocolate more than I do. So even when I haven't baked anything new there is still something sweet laying around waiting to attach itself to my midsection. Also, he loves Doritos. Doritos, y'all. I only let myself have a bad of Doritos once, maybe twice, a year because I love them so much and if there is an uneaten Dorito in my presence I have to eat it. It is physically impossible for me not to eat it and I can finish a bag in under 24 hours. But now there are ALWAYS Doritos in the cabinet.

Someone please send reinforcements. Or a lock for the cabinet door.

Reconnected and reacquainted

2010-11-15T13:21:00.002-05:00

The first week here was hard. We got here on Sunday night and then first thing Monday Andy had to jump right into his new job. Also, we were both seriously screwed up with our schedules. Not only were we two hours behind our normal time zone, but we traveled across the country on time change weekend, so that put us back three hours instead of two. Or ahead I guess. Whichever, all I know is that each night around eight o'clock I would think, "Oh my gosh! Isn't it bedtime yet?"

We both spent last week really tired. Also, I've been having a hard time sleeping, which is apparently a sign of altitude sickness, but we left our beautiful king size bed back in NC and have been sleeping in the queen that came with the apartment. We are not cuddlers, and while I don't sleep as well when Andy isn't in the bed with me, I prefer to just know he's there rather than having a constant physical reminder in the form of his knees and elbows.

Another sign of altitude sickness is decreased appetite. I wouldn't say my appetite has been decreased because I've been ravenously hungry the entire past week. But when we sit down for a meal I can't eat it all. I've only been able to eat about half as much as I usually do.

All of this, plus the time and energy it takes to get semi-settled in a completely new place made last week kind of hellish. On Thursday night at dinner I looked over at Andy and said, "I feel very disconnected from you since we've been here." That statement pretty much sums up our whole first week in Colorado.

But Andy was off all weekend since his store isn't open yet and we spent two days getting reconnected with each other and acquainted with our new environment.

On Saturday we drove to down town Breckenridge and walked on Main street. I have to say that this will probably be my "go to" place to take family and friends who come to visit. It has tons of shopping and restaurants mixed in with brightly colored Victorian homes, most of which are original to that part of town. It was really an idyllic place and there is a gondola that takes you from town to the top of the slopes.

Saturday evening we spent some time on our own Main street in Frisco. We've come to realize that Frisco is more of a place for locals, which is good because when the ski season really gets started we'll be a little more separated from all the chaos. While our Main street isn't quite as idyllic as Breck's it is very quaint and we've already found at least four or five restaurants that are on our "must try" list, all within walking distance of our apartment. While we were out though, we stopped into a place that was having happy hour (side note: happy hour is a big thing here) and we had some drinks and ordered an appetizer. Fried pickles, y'all! I ate the whole basket myself and came home with a massive stomach ache. But it was totally worth it.

Sunday we slept in and then went to Silverthorne to walk around the outlets they have there. It was a really good workout. The outlet mall is comprised of three strip centers that are connected with a walking trail that runs along the Blue River. The Blue River is a popular haunt for fisherman. There were even some dedicated sportsmen out there in the twenty degree temps yesterday. Anyway, it was a nice walk and we got to see all the stores they have. Andy was glad to know that the river was there so when I decide to drag him along on shopping trips he can pack his fishing pole and when we get tired of each other he'll have something to do.

We came back home in the afternoon and I started a pot of chili for dinner. Then we did some laundry and went to check out the clubhouse here at our complex. We have a pool, sauna and hot tub, all of which we are very excited about. It's so nice to finally live in a place that offers real amenities. Andy and I both plan on making good use of the pool and hot tub. There are windows all over the clubhouse so we can watch the snow fall while we swish around in the nice warm water. Ahhhh. (There is also a stream that runs behind our apartment. We've got to get Andy a license soon, before his head explodes)

I'm afraid I really didn't get any pictures. I wanted to see what was around me with my own eyes instead of through the lens, so my camera stayed in my purse for most of the weekend. But at least now when someone asks, "So, how is it?" I can respond with something more than, "Well, I know where the post office is."

Project 365, week 45

2010-11-12T13:46:00.001-05:00

Week in pictures* November 6-12

Snow on fall foliage. The only snow we saw was in NC

Surprisingly good travelers

1st sunset in CO

Almost home! Going through the Eisenhower tunnel

No center support for the clothes rod

Huge & straight up. View out the front door

Andy's shiny new toy**

Adjusting pretty well to their new home.

As always, they love looking out the sliding glass door

Still living out of boxes.

Weekend project: Fix the closet rod

* These pictures are all from my phone. I don't know what's up with the grey band at the bottom of all of them. It's new & I'm still learning how to use it.

** Sorry Kathryn. There was no making him wait until Christmas.

"So what's it like?"

2010-11-10T14:39:00.001-05:00

I've been asked that a lot since arriving in Colorado on Sunday evening.

And the answer is that I haven't really been out much yet. We've been unpacking (or trying to unpack) and Andy's been working and we apparently brought the winter with us because the mild fall weather Colorado had been experiencing came to an abrupt end yesterday. It's cold people.

There has been a little snow fall, that was very, very slippery. & there wasn't a scramble to instantly clear and salt the roads. In truth, it wasn't really necessary because we only got a dusting, but it's kind of different for people not to freak out about the snow. It's refreshing.

Our apartment is tiny. I guess tiny isn't the word, but it is much smaller than we're used to. Also it came furnished, which was great because we didn't, yet, need to haul all of our furniture out here. But the person who owns this unit seems to take "furnished" to mean "catch all for the shit she doesn't really need, but doesn't want to throw away." We have two linen closets that are filled with miscellaneous pillows and crappy blankets and one set of sheets even though the apartment has three beds. So, it's been interesting trying to find places to put our stuff. I think we're going to have to invest in a small storage unit to keep some of the unneeded items.

Something I didn't mention before: we have a roommate. His name is Drew and we've known him for several years. I know this is kind of shocking since I complained so much about our last roommate, but there are some distinct differences between the two situations. First is that we moved into the same space with Drew on purpose. Whereas, with the last roommate we had our own apartment that he needed to crash in for a while. It's very different setting up a new space with someone else versus being alone and then having someone new there all of a sudden. Also, the cost of living is much higher here and since Drew just moved here as well, we decided it would be best to split the cost for a year until we can all get a little more established.

So, that's what it's like so far. Andy is off on Saturday, so we're going to spend some time exploring. I'll try to have some more interesting things to report after that.

One more thing. We do have a very quaint main street that kind of looks like a page out of a children's story book. I've shared this link with a lot of people, but in case you haven't already seen, here is the live web cam that is set up on Main street. We live about a block away. If you scroll down the page there is also a web cam of the marina and Nordic center, but I'm pretty sure the Nordic center cam isn't working or turned on at the moment.

Happy hump day!

Project 365, week 44: The Farewell Edition

2010-11-05T12:39:00.002-04:00

Week in pictures, October 30 - November 5.

Farewell, Family

Farewell, Giant Kitchen

Farewell, Bible Belt

Farewell, Friends

Farewell, World's Greatest Pizza

Farewell, More Family

Farewell, Hulk

************************************************************************************

We leave at 6 am tomorrow morning. It's sure to be quite an adventure. Andy has been giving me "rules" for the trip, because apparently I'm five years old now. Also, we are going to be in a regular cab pickup with both the bunnies, who hate riding.

I'll be chronicling our journey on twitter. My twitter feed is on the left hand side of my blog & I've changed it to show more posts at a time in case you still want to follow along, but don't want to click into twitter to read it all.

Check back for frequent updates!

Home is where the heart is

2010-11-01T22:21:00.001-04:00

Once when I was small, maybe five or so, I remember going shopping with my mom in a nearby city. We always went out of town for shopping, because our town was so small and didn't offer a lot.

I had recently learned about people in foreign countries and how they spoke different languages. I didn't really understand the concept of what a foreign country was, and anything outside my everyday world was foreign. A ten minute trip in the car felt like an eternity. So as far as I knew, we traveled to "foreign countries" to go shopping. So, on that particular shopping trip I was surprised that the people working in the stores could understand what my mom was saying. I wondered why they weren't speaking another language.

Now I look back and laugh at how small my world was, but as I'm looking down the barrel of a complete life change, I feel like I'm five years old again. I've only ever lived here, not just in the south, but in North Carolina. I was a child in the foothills and became an adult in the blue ridge mountains. I've never known anything else, and while I'm much older and wiser than that little girl out shopping with her mother, I can't help but feel like I'm about to embark on something completely foreign to me.

Don't get me wrong, I am so excited. Ever since Andy sent in his resume and cover letter I have felt completely at peace with this decision. There aren't a lot of times I can say I have felt this way. Once was when I made the decision of where to attend college, and I felt this way again on my wedding day. But I cried when my parents left me on move in day, and I cried on and off the whole day of my wedding. These big decisions are never easy because no matter how good they are, there is always some bad mixed in. Someone or something always seems to be left behind, and I've already shed a few tears as I've been saying goodbye to so many people I love and the only home I've ever known.

A few months back, my friend Jessie asked me what my definition of home was. The first thing out of my mouth was that Andy was my home. The second was my family. Andy and my family are my home, regardless of where I am, and that is something that has been true for me since I was a child. Not Andy, I didn't meet him until I was a teen, but the people I love have always played a big part in what makes me comfortable, and to me, home should always be comfortable.

So, since I'm taking part of my home with me and leaving a large part of it behind, I guess that means I'll have two homes.

In college, I once said to someone, "I'm going home for the weekend." They laughed at me and said, "Home? You mean to your parents?" I gave them a strange look and said, "Yes. That will always be my home."

Happy Halloween!

2010-10-31T07:00:00.003-04:00

One of my favorite holidays is here! The last couple weeks I've spent some time with my nieces and nephews getting geared up for today.

First up: Pumpking carving!

Working hard

Clown

Cat

Ghost

And a couple of videos

That was a couple of weekends ago. I also made a Halloween village for the kids to have fun with and on Friday I took it over, with some pipe cleaner trees, and let them "haunt" the village with some cute stickers I found. It was a lot of fun!

Pre-haunting

Decorating in progress

Lili played in the sticker bowl

Post haunting

Spooky clock tower

This tree has a bat infestation

We had also planned to let them paint and decorate the back drop to complete the look, but Veronica was under the weather and painting is really her thing right now. So, we saved her some fun for when she's feeling better.

I hope you all have a fun and safe Halloween! Happy haunting!

Project 365, weeks 42 & 43

2010-10-29T22:45:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures October 16-22 & October 23-29

Making applesauce!

Sick

Tiny Halloween village

Fall berries

Unpollished and ready to be stuffed into socks

Big red barn

Peaches and cream

Moon

I finally conquered a box!

Downpour

One hour later

Making Thanksgiving place cards

Halloween cards, ready to go

Late bloomer

Look! It's a spider!

The plot thickens

2010-10-28T11:11:00.001-04:00

So, the dentist this morning...

I went. They xrayed and poked and prodded and examined and reviewed records from my other doctors.

He told me what he thought needed to be done to correct the damage from the crash.

I left there with an appointment to return tomorrow afternoon and an appointment for the periodontist this afternoon.

So what's my count now? Four oral appointments in one week? Yeah, that's about par for the course.

Oh. Em. Gee. I just want this to be over. How many times have I said that now?

The worst part of the appointment was finding out how long it actually takes to do an implant. It's a four to six month process. That's if everything goes smoothly. Also, he's afraid my bone isn't thick enough and they might have to do a bone graft to even be able to do the implant. How much time does that add until this whole process is done?

So, if you add that to the time I'm going to spend waiting for my settlement to be complete, best case scenario is that I'll be here for another 8 months. Worst case, maybe 12 months. That's a possible year that I could be separated from Andy. I'm NOT ok with that. I'm not ok with this accident putting that much more of a dent in our lives. It's cost us so much already and it's time for something to change.

I started wondering if it was really necessary for me to be here for the settlement, when all that really goes into it is a lot of paperwork and letter writing back and forth. Some phone calls will be necessary, but do I absolutely need to be here in person for all of that. Isn't that why I hired a lawyer? Isn't he my "stand in" for a lot of this stuff? So I called him and explained the situation and he said not to let this keep me from moving with Andy.

Based on that advice, I'm moving with Andy to Colorado instead of staying here. I will still return to complete my treatment after the settlement is finalized, but I can handle that. I prefer it that way. I could find new doctors in Colorado, but everyone here already knows my history. And as I found out today in the exam room, I still can't talk about the aftermath of the accident without crying. I just can't do that again, over and over, until a whole team of new doctors is filled in on my circumstances.

So, a week from Saturday, Andy and I are driving (together) across the country to start a new life. I'm so, so excited. But I'm also slightly panicked because I have a week to get everything ready. Plus, we are leaving a lot of things here to come back and get once we are settled. How do I decide what to leave behind? How do I part with most of my kitchen? Even if it's just for a few months?

I can tell you this: I'm not leaving without my kitchen aid mixer.

Just call me Humpty Dumpty

2010-10-27T14:51:00.000-04:00

After a brief and (mostly) painless orthodonitst appointment my wire retainer has been glued back in place.

I also recieved some good news. Once we replace my missing tooth they will be able to remove one of the wire retainers, and maybe the other one. Maybe. That's the best thing I've heard about my teeth since I got my braces off, a year ago.

At the end of the visit the doctor said, "Now, if you go trick-or-treating this weekend, be careful eating all that chewy candy." Um, yeah. I guess he sees pre-teens and teens most days. No danger of me trick-or-treating this weekend, or eating any chewy candy.

But, if anyone has any chocolate, feel free to send it my way.

Off to the dentist tomorrow. Yippy. Skippy.

One of those people

2010-10-26T12:37:00.001-04:00

You know the kind. The ones that have a dentist appointment and in the week leading up to it, all they do is complain about how much they hate going to the dentist and they go and it's just a quick cleaning and they're done.

I used to hate those people. Once upon a time I actually enjoyed getting my teeth cleaned. Ok, it wasn't the most pleasant process, but there were worse things and the end result was so nice. Clean, shiny teeth and I didn't have to go back for six months.

Since the accident my reality is much different. I am one of those people now, but the difference is that I'm not just going for a cleaning. When I go to the dentist, or any oral doctor, (Oh! Another thing I didn't have to do before! I only had a dentist, before...) I need more than to have my teeth cleaned.

This is not some kind of philosophical rant where I find meaning in all that has happened to me. Right now I really just want to whine. Because I have to go to the dentist on Thursday to see about finally (finally!) replacing my missing tooth and repairing a few other teeth that were damaged in the crash. And then this morning one of my permanent retainers came loose and I have to go to the orthodontist tomorrow to have it fixed. A piece of metal! In my mouth! Permanently! FOREVER!

And I'm sure there are people thinking, "Big freaking deal! Grow up! It could be so much worse!" And you know what? I know that. Oh, yeah. I learned that lesson the hard way. The "It could be so much worse" lesson, because my reality could be a lot worse. Believe me, I know. I'm grateful. I have a permanent reminder tattooed on my body that tells me each day how grateful I am. I know I could be dead. I know.

But after a year and a half, it's kind of difficult to keep putting on my brave face. Sometimes I just want to complain and I think I've earned the right. And you know, I think it wouldn't be so bad and I could keep on going with a good attitude until the end, except the end isn't visible. Oh, sure, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel where the accident is concerned. We will come to an understanding with the insurance company and we'll sign papers and I can move on. My treatment will be finished.

But, truly, my treatment will never be finished. I'm walking around with a daily reminder that there are parts of me they can't fix. I can't feel part of my face. And I will likely never be able to feel it again. Ever. And once this tooth is replaced I'll have a full set again, but what happens in the future? There is a really good chance that the other teeth that were damaged in the accident will die at some point in my life. That leaves me with the possibility of losing five more teeth. All in front. That is a whole other process of pain and discomfort and inconvenience that I can't even account for yet, because no one really knows what is going to happen.

At this point I'm starting to get on my own nerves with the whining. Poor me. Woe is me. Someone give me a cookie. Oh! Wait! Don't. I can't eat it because my retainer came loose this morning.

Also, let's not forget another wrench this accident has thrown into my life concerning Andy's new job and our relocation to Colorado.

I have to stay here. I mean, I guess I don't have to stay here, but my doctors are here and my lawyer is here and the accident happened here. And if I need to be here to meet with someone or go to an appointment or sign something I can't just fly back at a moment's notice. Not only is that impractical, it's also not affordable. So, there's something else that I don't get to do because of this freaking nightmare that happened a YEAR AND A HALF AGO! Oh, sure I'll get to move to Colorado. Eventually. But right now I'm facing an unknown length of separation from my husband. I don't want to be separated from my husband. I like him. I'd like to be with him.

So this is where I am right now. I'm still angry. No matter how much I try to pretend like I'm ok with the situation, the truth is, it sucks. I know in the end I'm going to be a better person for what I've lived through and blah, blah, blah. Right now I can't make myself feel that way. Sometimes I just need to feel sorry for myself, and this is one of those times.

Rocky Mounatin High

2010-10-22T18:05:00.000-04:00

Ok guys, I'm postponing my usual "Photogenic Friday" post because I've been waiting two months to post this and I finally can, so I'm not waiting any longer.

It's no secret that there is something going on in my life right now. I think that was pretty clear when I posted about us moving and managed to give no real reason why. It was vague and annoying. And I hate it when a blogger posts something like that and is all "Hey things are happening, but I can't say what" and then they just continue posting like nothing ever happened until one day, Bam! they just lay one on you and you've forgotten all about the "Big Vague Announcement." Yeah, that's a big pet peeve of mine, so in order to avoid that I made my "Big Vague Announcement" and promptly fell off the face of the earth. I'm sorry. Really I am, but this is so big, and I couldn't just pretend like nothing was going on. My sincerest apologies.

But now I'm back and I'm ready to revel all. OH! MY! GOSH! I've written and rewritten this post so many times in my head and I don't even know how it should go anymore, so I'm just going to go ahead and give you the BIG part and you can let it soak in while I tell you the story to how it all came about. Ok? Ok.

Here goes...

WE'RE MOVING TO COLORADO!!!!!!!

Oh. Em. Gee. I can't believe I finally typed that sentence. We're moving. To. Colorado.

Wow.

So, the how and they why. The best thing to do is to start at the beginning, which is three years ago, and I promise to make this as brief as possible, because this is not a short story I'm about to tell.

The whole thing actually started further back than three years. It started when Andy and I got engaged. We wanted a change and we were planning a big move out west when we got married. Except the stress and financial demands of planning a wedding got in the way, so we postponed the move. We said we'd do it in a year or two.

Then we got married and commenced living happily ever after. We started planning the move. Denver, CO was the destination and we even took a trip out there to look at apartments. The plan was to move right around our first anniversary. So what happened?

Andy got a promotion. He'd been working in this ski shop since college and suddenly there was a full time, year round position open and they wanted him. It was really a wonderful opportunity and it just fell into his lap. That's not something that happens every day and we both knew he needed to take it, because turning it down to move across the country with no jobs and no real plan would have been stupid.

Fast forward three years to this past August. One night Andy and I had a discussion about our future. We have this same talk all the time and it seems like we've been going in circles for two years now. The problem is this: Andy and I have plans. We want to buy a house and have a kid or two and it just didn't seem like we were ever going to be able to achieve either of those where we were. I haven't had a job for a year and a half and while Andy's company has been great, there isn't a lot of room for advancement. There is one more big step that he could make and that's it.

So we were talking about the possibility of trying to make it in the NC mountains (which we have grown to love so much) or picking up and moving. Where, we werent' sure, but I was bound and determined for this conversation to be fruitful, so I kept pushing until Andy finally came out with it. He really loves the ski industry and he wants to stay in it, but there aren't a lot of opportunities in the East for that kind of career. So I just threw out there that we had once been gung ho about moving and maybe we should revisit that possibility again.

And here's the thing. The season is getting geared up and when we started talking about this possible move we were talking in terms of the next year. Because who would have a job opening in the ski industry this close to "go time?" So we went to bed that night with the understanding that we might need to move away from our beloved Blue Ridge, but not for a little while longer.

The next day (Monday) at lunch time Andy came home and told me he had actually found a job opening, actually several job openings with this large company based in Colorado. He decided to send in his resume. What could it hurt?

By Wednesday he was setting up a phone interview for Friday, and by the end of that interview he had a promise of another interview with someone else.

So now, after two months, three phone interviews, one Skype interview, and a whole roller coaster of other things, we're going. He has a job and we're going.

That is the reader's digest version. I can't possibly begin to tell all the details.

I can tell you that I will be staying behind for a few months, at least. This all happened a lot faster than we had expected and since I'm still in the middle of an insurance settlement for an accident that happened in NC, we decided it would be best for me to stay behind and tie up all those loose ends.

But y'all, I am beyond excited. I'm also completely shocked that it's finally happening.

It's exciting and invigorating and completely scary. We're picking up our lives and leaving our friends and family and moving to Colorado!

It's crazy, and I love it!

Project 365, week 41

2010-10-15T19:34:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures October 9-15

Tiny little bats

Nestled among the boxes

Bestill my heart

New running trail

Help me, Mom!

Covered

Vegetable beef stew

This morning...

2010-10-14T12:38:00.000-04:00

This morning Rufus had a small procedure scheduled to remove some of his dead tissue from his neck. We've known from the beginning that this was going to be part of the healing process, and that he might have a more limited mobility in his neck once it was all said and done.

But once they started the vet realized that the dead tissue was all the way down to Rufus's spine. It would have taken many more intense procedures to remove all the dead tissue. Also, Rufus would have needed to go to a specialist to have skin grafts done to replace the dead tissue, and at the end of it all, if he managed to make it through, he likely wouldn't have been able to lift his head at all.

I would have been a very long and painful process for him.

So with all that in mind the decision was made to go ahead and let Rufus rest. It just wasn't fair to ask him to go through all that and in the end not be able to be the same Rufus that he was before this happened.

My family is heartbroken at the loss of our companion. But as I write this I'm comforted in the thought that if all dogs go to heaven then Rufus is not alone and this morning he was welcomed by our other dog Tinker, and they are having a wonderful time being reunited.

A hodge podge, if you will

2010-10-13T13:16:00.000-04:00

So last night Andy and I finally dug out the box containing all my computer wires and wingdings to hook up Ole Bessie and get her moving again.

Guess what? Ole Bessie is broken. Done. Gone forever! Woe is me!

Ok, so it isn't that dramatic. Way back when we got married we took both our computers from college and created Ole Bessie. She has two hard drives, but only one of them runs the computer and that is the one that is broken. So she won't turn on. Basically we have to reformat and get rid of the broken hard drive, but not before we retrieve all the information on it.

I can hear so many of you out there going, "Um... are you still using a desktop? I didn't even think they made those anymore." Well, yes, they do still make them and I'm not just calling her "Ole Bessie" because I think it's cute. But I like sitting at a desk to do my computing. We have a laptop, but I'm fond of Ole Bessie. She's seen me through many a long night and you know the old saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." Well, it is "broke" but we're going to fix it anyway because it is repairable. So There!

Anyway, I'm using my mother-in-law's computer until we can fix our small problem. Thanks Kathryn!

Also, I still really miss my mountain.

It has been oh, so hot here in the foothills. The leaves are changing, but the temperature is nearly unbearable. I went running yesterday (for the first time in over a month, hello lazy!) and it took me over an hour to cool down and stop being red. I shouldn't be that hot in the middle of October. Whine! Whine! Whine!

Oh yeah. I'm whining, and no one can stop me. I went up the mountain last Saturday to pick Andy up (another story for another day) and it was perfect fall weather. Not cold, but not warm either. Perfect roll-your-window-down-and-drive weather. And there was this tree I saw on my way that was so red it looked like it was a flame. Gorgeous. I wanted to stop and take a picture, but I was in a hurry to get Andy and thought I'd get him to stop on the way back. Yeah, that didn't happen. He wanted to go home a different direction. He's a fall Scrooge. He also gets to spend most of the week in the mountains and doesn't understand what the big deal is. Men!

But really, I love my husband. I know, what a segue right? Seriously though, I love him. I can't get enough of him. You know, for a long time after the accident I felt like we were just continually climbing a mountain trying to get to the top. We weren't having marital problems, but life in general was hard. We were a team and we were doing it together, but holy crap, where was the precipice? And now it feels like we're here, or at least we've flattened out a little bit before another big climb, and I can see him for the wonderful man that he really is and not have to find that through my own hurts and problems. Does any of that make sense?

I mean, even though it isn't all over (and probably never truly will be, because I won't ever forget), I feel like we've finally gotten our life back. We are a couple, a whole couple and we are supporting each other, instead of one of us having to carry the other. It's pretty awesome. And even though I have constant, daily, physical reminders of what we've been through, I think that makes it all the more worth while. It helps me not forget why I married him and why we are still together. Even when he won't go back and let me take a picture of that gorgeous red tree I saw. But you know what? If I had pressed the issue he would have gone back, and I love that about him too.

So, a summary of all that: I still miss fall in the mountains and I love Andy, like, a lot.

Up next: Rufus. He's still hanging in there. He does have some dead and dying tissue. We took him to the vet on Monday and she is really pleased with how his recovery is coming. She called him a miracle dog. Thursday they are going to do a small procedure to remove some of the dead tissue from his neck, and he will continue to be on antibiotics until he is completely out of danger of infection. If he gets an infection with all the tissue still dying and trying to slough off then it's pretty much hopeless. So he's still a very sick puppy, but he is improving day by day.

Things I'm looking forward to:

Halloween and doing some Halloween-centric activities with my nieces and nephews
Getting Ole Bessie fixed
Fall baking. I've done some, but I have a long list that needs some attention
Making some more permanent decisions about our living arrangement (Not that I'm not grateful for my in-law's generosity, but I'm very much looking forward to the day when 90% of my belongings aren't in boxes anymore)

Happy Hump Day!

Project 365, week 40

2010-10-08T22:08:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures October 2-8

The process

The result

Mother Nature decorates for Halloween too

Halloween celebrations are in full swing

Miss my husband

The warming booties make thier first appearance

Cream of chicken and wild rice soup (from scratch)

This is called "eating my feeling"

From bad to better

2010-10-07T14:28:00.001-04:00

Yesterday was a really awful day.

It started out well. Hot cider, to cut the morning chill, and a little computer time before I had a shower. Then, in the middle of my morning respite, I got a frantic call from my mom.

My parents are on vacation and I've been taking care of their dog, Rufus.

Rufus is about seven years old and I claim him as my own, as much as theirs. He was around before I was married and when I still called my parent's house, "home."

Yesterday morning Rufus was out doing his morning rounds and got into a bad fight with two other dog. The neighbor saw him trying to make it home and called my parents.

We quickly arranged for me to meet the neighbor at the vet's office, so they could check him out. They told me over the phone that it was really bad, but sometimes a lot of blood can make something seem worse than it really is. I was concerned of course, but I tried to keep myself together until I knew something for sure.

When they got there with Rufus he did look pretty beat up and he was holding his head in a funny way.

The vet did a quick examination and gave a pretty bad diagnosis. She suggested taking him to the nearest trauma center, about an hour away, and even then she didn't have a whole lot of hope for his recovery.

After some discussion with my parents over the phone it was decided that the vet should do some xrays to see what was really the matter. The biggest concern was that, since Rufus was showing signs of paralysis, he had a fractured spine and, even if his other injuries healed, he couldn't recover from that.

The xray showed that his spine was still fine and straight, but his windpipe had been damaged. Also there were two big tears in his muscle tissue that went down to the bone. The swelling from that was causing the paralysis, and just before his xrays he had started to have small seizures indicating that there was also swelling around his brain.

The vet never said it out lout, but I could tell that she really didn't think he was going to make it the next couple of hours even, and if it were her decision she would have gone ahead and decided to let him go. She was very kind though and let us make all the decisions on our own after giving us our options.

Taking him to the trauma center would have been very, very expensive and since the xray showed that his injuries weren't operable it wouldn't have really been worth while to take him. So we decided to give him at least 24 hours to see what would happen. They hospitalized him and gave him medications for pain and infections and treated his shock. They also cleaned him up and stitched up his superficial wounds. Then made him as comfortable as possible.

All day yesterday I felt really awful. I was so worried about Rufus and just couldn't imagine him not being there when I pulled up to the house. I was also feeling really guilty about this happening. I know there really wasn't anything that I could have done, but back when Andy and I got married we talked briefly about bringing Rufus to live with us. We decided against it because at the time my parents had two dogs (two years ago Tinker had to be put down), and we couldn't bring both of them, but we didn't want to separate them. Also, Andy and I were moving into an apartment and Rufus had so much more freedom at my parent's house. So we decided he would be better off where he was. But all day yesterday I kept thinking that if he lived with us this wouldn't have happened. It was a very long day and every time the phone rang my heart dropped.

But with a new day comes new hope, and this morning the vet called to say that he was doing better. I went to see him this afternoon and he was much more alert. Yesterday he didn't respond to anyone or anything and then today when he heard my voice he strained to try to find me. Also, the paralysis is getting better. The vet said that earlier he had been up on all fours trying to walk around.

He isn't out of danger yet. His recovery is going to be very long, and there is a concern that the damaged tissue will die instead of healing. That would be very bad and make his chance of recovery very small, but we aren't giving out hope yet.

The vet said that he had surprise everyone there at how hard he was fighting and how much he seemed to want to live. As long as he keeps fighting we'll do what we need to to help him heal.

One day I'll get back to regular posting...

2010-10-04T22:22:00.001-04:00

Sorry everyone. Is there anyone still here? Hanging on? Waiting for me to get my head out of my butt and start typing again?

Kudos to you if you're still checking in!

I've been spending these last few weeks relaxing. Actually, last week was busy. Not busy in an "Oh Em Gee! I need everyone to leave me alone!" sort of way, but in an "I've had a full day and am going to sleep well tonight." kind of way.

We've settled into our new space and a new routine. Andy and I don't get to see each other as often since he's gone three or four nights each week, but we make the most of the time we do have together.

The weather has started to be more fallish. Which I love, but through the week Andy calls me and tells me how cold it is in the mountains and it makes me sad.

I miss my mountain. The foothills are great, but it isn't the same. I've been doing my level best to enjoy the fall here, but tonight I was overcome by a longing to be "home." Where Andy is and where my favorite season is.

I drank a lot of apple cider today and pulled out my fluffy robe. It's still a little too warm here for it, but I'm wearing it anyway. It's October and I'm wearing my fluffy robe dangit!

One good thing about fall here is that it's more of a slow burn. In the mountains it's all, "BAM! Here's fall" and in a month everything is all brown and ugly, and if it wasn't for Thanksgiving and Christmas you would fall into a deep depression because of all the brown and lack of exciting weather developments. Also there are the sweaters. A pretty, cozy fall sweater has pulled me through many a dismal, brown, late fall day. It's like magic.

Tomorrow, though, I get to visit my mountians. I was up there last week too, but I didn't drive myself. Tomorrow I'm going to drive on the parkway. And I'm going to stop and take pictures like a tourist. And I'm going to stop for a warm drink, to sip while I enjoy the cold air and lashing, fall wind.

And I'm going to get my hair cut, because it needs to be reminded who is the boss in this relationship.

How is your fall going?

P.S. I broke my new year's resolution yesterday. I know! But I think making it to October and only reading the books I already own is really good as resolutions go. Especially for me, a self proclaimed book addict. Anyway, I got some classics really cheap and I started Bram Stoker's Dracula yesterday, in honor of October and Halloween. So far I'm loving it!

Projext 365, week 39

2010-10-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures September 25 - October 1

Apple season

My closet awaits filling

NOT happy about bedtime this week

This is my food bowl, and I'll thank you to remember that

My old room is ready for Christmas, thanks to my niece

The Great Antiquer

They sell donkeys

The Birthday

2010-09-25T14:35:00.001-04:00

Ok, one week later, but here is the birthday recap.

I went down on Monday (the 13th) to spend the week helping Julie get ready for the long awaited party. It was exhausting, but oh so worth it.

On Tuesday we took Mina to have her one year pictures made. While the photographer was click, clicking I took the opportunity to take some photos of my own, because Mina was so darn cute.

Here are the best ones I got:

(Click on the photos for a larger view)

Mina's birthday was the actual day of her party, so we spent most of the morning yelling, "Happy Birthday!" at her and telling her she was one. Mostly she just looked at us like we were crazy, but when it came time to open presents she definitley got it. Girlfriend knew what to do and she was super excited. I've never seen a one year old go after presents like she did. Frank and Julie will most certainly have their handsful in the future.

The party was bumblebee themed, which I'm sure you can tell from the pictures, so I'll just let them do most of the talking for me.

Treat table

If I do say so myself, these are the prettiest cupcakes I've ever made

Popcorn balls (You're welcome, Frank)

Chocolate pops

Crafts table

Tent decor

Corsages for the grandmothers

Deviled eggs, courtesy of Aunt Amanda

Julie went above and beyond

They took turns pulling this necklace and letting it smack Julie in the face

Giada and Mommy

Frannie gets bee-dazzled

"Welcome to the hive, Buzz around back to see the queen"

This was my special project

Smash cake!

It's all in the details

Singing happy birthday

Thinking hard about digging in

What's under all this paper?

I had a hard time getting good, clear photos of Mina opening her presents. She was so excited and all over the place so most of my photos turned out to be blurry, action shots. But I did shoot a little video. Here it is.

I think everyone had a great time and I was glad to be able to help. Julie has already started planning for next year, but I made her promise to let me rest until January. ; )

Project 365, week 37 & 38

2010-09-24T18:03:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures September 11-17 & September 18-24

Not everyone was excited about the move

Learning to stamp

Opening presents

Late bloomers

Tutu time

The hats have eyes

Starting young

Making the cuppies

Three hundred and sixty five days

I missed my little furballs

New abode, tidier than it was

Good dog

Don't worry, Mom, I'll get it myself

Time for the fall red

Marrigolds

I made it out alive

2010-09-20T10:32:00.000-04:00

The birthday party was great and turned out beautifully.

I'm back at my temporary home now, but I don't have access to my computer yet. After we moved in here, we just spent a day getting things straightened up and then both left for a week. So everything is still a little chaotic right now. I'll post party pictures and my project 365 as soon as possible, but it might be Friday before any of that happens.

It's so nice to be back with Andy (even if he is traveling for most of the week), and I'm very much looking forward to doing as little as possible for the next few days. The last two weeks have been really productive and also fun, but I'm ready for a little normalcy again.

I hope you all have a wonderful week, and I promise I'll get back to regular blogging as soon as I can.

Quick update before the slave driver cracks her whip...

2010-09-14T16:35:00.000-04:00

So we moved on Saturday. It was successful. I was exhausted.

Sunday, Andy and I tried to get boxes and things organized so we could find our stuff.

Yesterday I came down to help Julie with finishing up preparations for Mina's birthday party this coming Saturday.

We have plans and projects and we're both running on empty. Exhaustion and estrogen are high in this house right now.

If you don't hear from me by Monday, send help.

Project 365, week 36

2010-09-10T13:37:00.001-04:00

Move-a-palooza!

Week in pictures September 4-10

Enthusiasm on the first day

I didn't follow directions

Ready to be filled

Under the strap it says "Patent Pending." I wonder how that worked out

Be veeewwwy quiet...

Makeshift closet

Once upon a time, I wore this shirt

Empty

"I'm king of the world!"

Almost done

I need a distraction

2010-09-08T23:26:00.002-04:00

So... packing.

Y'all, I've been packing for three straight days. Nothing but packing. Boxes, boxes and more boxes.

And it isn't over yet. I still have to pack most of the bathroom, all the laundry supplies and all the kitchen except my crystal. I did that yesterday. Or maybe I packed that this morning. I don't really remember anymore.

All of our clothes are packed expect what we need for this week, which we have laid out on the guest bed, because I packed all the hangers.

This evening Andy came home and when he saw that I was ready to start on the kitchen he suggested that we go buy disposable plates, cups and silverware, so we can pack the entire contents of the kitchen tomorrow and not have to worry about it anymore.

I get it, really I do. I understand he's trying to make life easier and I can completely understand the logic behind the suggestion. But y'all, I hate eating off paper plates and drinking out of plastic cups and eating with plastic utensils. When we got married I didn't register for two sets of china just because it was pretty. I like to eat off nice plates. It makes me happy. It makes me feel like a grown up. And when everything else is completely wrong, I can go to my kitchen and make dinner and serve it on my china and all is right with the world.

How irrational is that? Do you see what this move is doing to me? I'm losing my mind. It's freaking paper plates! For only two days! GET A GRIP, JOANNA!

Oh! And let me just tell you, Milton is having a nervous breakdown. He has never been good at changing his routine. He has a sensitive little system, and when he's nervous or upset he expresses it with poo.

What? Don't you want to hear about my bunny's poo?

Well, I didn't want to step in it this morning and track it all over the living room and kitchen, but that's what happened.

But I need to talk about something besides moving, so that's what I'm going to do. Change the subject.

I blogged awhile ago about my upcoming class reunion.

Well, a couple of weeks ago I got some information in the mail about it. Along with a letter and list of activities, I received a questionnaire about what I've been up to the last ten years.

There are a lot of questions on it, but two, in particular, stand out to me.

One is, "How many times have you been married?" Um, really? I mean, I'm sure we're all curious. Everyone has a little gossip inside them and who wouldn't love to know about everyone's failures these last ten years, but holy rudeness!

Second is, "What is your most embarrassing moment?" I'm not sure how this is going to be informative about our former classmates either, but it should be good for a few laughs.

Anyway, the question made me have a physical reaction, because it immediately brought to mind what I still consider my most horrific moment. EVER.

It actually happened when I was in high school.

I was in an auditioned chorus, called ensemble, and every fall the four high schools in the county got together for a choral clinic. We practiced the music in our own schools and then the day before the concert, came together and rehearsed as one big group.

Usually the concert and rehearsals were held at the local auditorium, but my junior year there was a scheduling conflict, so we had to move it to a large church.

The night before the big rehearsal day I spent some time planning out my outfit. I wanted to wear just the right thing because ~~I was 16 and boyfriendless and there were going to be lot's of hot guys there~~ I was completely dedicated to singing and I wanted to look and feel my best the next day.

Next morning I woke up and put on my planned outfit. I was wearing a short sleeved, mock turtleneck black top with white and red stripes, a jean mini skirt and my most favorite shoes, black, wooden soled, platform Candies. You know the kind. They had thick straps and a three inch platform sole made entirely of wood that rocked as you walked. Completely and totally irrational footwear, but also H-O-T if you were a teen in the 90's. I rocked those shoes all the time and they never let me down.

Anyway, that morning I got to the church. I'd never been in this particular sanctuary, but when I got there I looked up to the front and this is what I saw: It was your traditional sanctuary. Pews, garish carpeting, pulpit up on a platform with the choir loft behind. Except the platform was really, really high. Not the usual three or four steps. Oh no, there was an entire flight, at least ten steps to the top of that altar and I had to climb every one.

Undaunted, I walked right up them, took my seat among the sopranos and proceeded to rehearse.

And then it was time to break for lunch.

Now, when I was in high school I was slightly full of myself. I always had a little too much self confidence and tended to walk with a bit of a swagger. I have also, when shoe shopping, always had a tendency to disregard my weak ankles.

I stood up and walked over to the steps. I had gotten up them just fine in the blocks of wood on my feet, and so I had no concern for what might happen on the way down. I was completely confident that I could make it, unscathed.

So down I stepped, and on the second stair my right ankle failed me and rolled right over, taking my three inch, wooden death trap with it. I fell all the way down the stairs.

I can't even tell you how I felt. All I can say is that whenever I tell someone this story I still turn red all over. It was just awful. And the worst part? No one around me even stopped to ask if I was alright. They just walked right by me, and all their faces said, "Look at this idiot with the wooden shoes." I sat there for a good thirty seconds before my friend, Holly, caught up to me and gave me some sympathy.

Maybe it was God's way of bringing me down to size. It worked.

The only thing that was hurt was my pride, so I stood up and walked out of the church for lunch. When I came back for afternoon rehearsal I used the handrail going up and down the stairs and the next time I went back in that church I'm pretty sure I wore flats.

Ok, I shared mine. Now you share yours. It will give me something to laugh at in the midst of packing up my china, but I'll be laughing with you, not at you. I promise.

Happy Fall and other stuff!

2010-09-06T11:23:00.002-04:00

Is it fall? I'm not sure. Today is Labor day, so maybe fall doesn't start until after today. Actually the first official day of fall is September 22, but we're going to pretend like it's already here. Mkay?

Because fall is my most favorite season. It's when I'm most upbeat and positive. Everything that happens in the fall is good. Even if it's something bad, it must happen for a good reason. So, hooray fall! Or autumn, whichever.

One of the things I love most about fall is the clothes. I did a little shopping this weekend, and I have to tell you I'm a little disappointed. After looking in several stores at the new fall fashions I was feeling like I'd just been shopping all the Project Runway rejects.

Also, did you know that poncho's are back? It looks like they're calling them "capes" now and trying to pass them off as a new fashion trend. Sorry fashion people, but no matter how you slice it, that is a poncho and it isn't any cooler now than it was in the seventies or ten years ago when they could be found in every women's apparel store you walked into. Poncho's? Really? Pair that with some jeggings, another ~~horrible~~ happening trend right now, and that is a VH1 special waiting to happen.

But I wasn't really shopping for me anyway, so no love lost, fall. I'll check back in a month. Hopefully someone will come to their senses and release some good ole' fall sweaters later in the season.

Or maybe I can devise a way to enlarge children's clothing to fit me. Because what I was really shopping for was a birthday present. Someone is turning one later this month and needs some new fall clothes. And let me tell you, whoever is designing those clothes got it right. I'd love to wear just about everything I bought.

Wow, that was completely random and not at all the point of this post. But I've had two cups of coffee this morning and since I never drink coffee, that was probably a bad idea.

Anyway, what did I say earlier? Everything that happens in the fall is good. So yeah, on to the point of this post.

Andy and I are moving. It's been kind of a whirlwind around here the last few weeks, hence my lack of regular posting, and it's a decision we've made just in the last few days. Well, not to move, we've actually been talking about that for a while now.

We just decided to stop talking and do it, though, so this coming weekend we're moving out of our apartment and into Andy's parent's basement.

What?! So why are we moving in with Andy's parents? Well, there are many reasons why and not a few of them that I won't and can't go into right now. Not to worry, it's a decision we made because we wanted to, not because we had to. It's not our only option, but the best option for right now. It's just for a couple of months (famous last words), and in the meantime we have some decision making to do.

Andy is still working at the ski shop and since his parent's house is kind of far to drive every day he'll be relying on some of our friends for a place to stay a few nights a week. Roommate has his own apartment now, and he's agreed to return the favor and let Andy stay with him some.

So that's it. I just wanted to post something to let you all know I'm not dead, but I'm in charge of packing, so posting will continue to be light. Also, since we're moving on Saturday morning I might not get around to posting photos on Friday. Fret not, they will be posted... eventually.

Also, when I get another minute, maybe next week sometime, I'll have to tell you about our "Moving Inventory List" that Andy has created. Don't get me wrong, I think it's a good idea and this is likely to be the most organized move in the history of time, but he's gone a bit far this time. That's all I'll say, because it really needs a post of it's own.

Happy Labor Day!

Happy Fall y'all!

See you later, alligators!

Project 365, week 35

2010-09-03T14:41:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures August 28 - September 3

Garden harvest, he gets excited every time

It's coming!

Peanut butter. I have to get my protein somewhere

Someone indulged himself

Haystack people! This time with a half pint

We celebrate things with ice cream

I couldn't decide. This is why we usually avoid the snack isle

Four

2010-09-02T09:33:00.000-04:00

Veronicaisms

2010-08-31T16:36:00.001-04:00

A couple weeks ago my mom came up and brought my oldest nephew and niece for a visit. We spent the afternoon at the park, and then when it started to look like rain, we came back to the apartment to watch a movie.

Since they are both under twelve, they ride in the back seat to avoid airbags. When they got here my nephew was on the right side (passenger) and my niece was on the left (driver).

On the way to the park they had the same seating configuration, and again on the way back to the apartment.

When it was time for them to go, I walked them out to the car. Both kids jumped in, him still on the right and her still on the left.

And this is what happened next:

Jerem: Ha! Ha! I'm still on the right!

Veronica: Oh no! I forgot. You were supposed to switch with me on the way home! Not Fair!

Me: (Confused, because when I was young my older brother and I fought over the front seat. Either side of the back was just as crappy as the other, compared to the front.) Why are y'all fighting? What does it matter? Why do you both want to sit on the right side?

Veronica: (In her best impression of me, twenty years ago) DUH! Because it's better!

Well then. I stand corrected.

I didn't point out to them that in six to eight years they are going to prefer the left side, in the front.

Late last night...

2010-08-30T13:21:00.000-04:00

Andy was on the floor petting Milton and Milton was giving Andy kisses.

Andy: Bunnies are really warm.

Me: Yeah. All the time. They're like tiny little incubators.

Andy: Even Milton's kisses are warm. I wonder what a bunny's normal internal temperature is.

Me: I don't know, but it must be pretty high.

Andy: Ninety eight point cute.

Project 365, week 34

2010-08-27T13:16:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures August 21-27

Ahh, sweatshirt weather. Glorious

Steppin' out in my fancy shoes

Late night toilet repair man

Somebunny destroyed my wall charger

The Carrot-faced Killer strikes again

Grill masters

I double dog dare you to make me come out from under this bed...

I'm busy...

2010-08-22T18:06:00.001-04:00

Be back soon!

Project 365, week 33

2010-08-20T15:57:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures August 14-20

A gigantic measuring tape. Because we have so many things to measure.

This is what it looks like when Milton sheds

Family visit

Gloomy day = gloomy disposition

Bow to the king of the castle

So lazy he eats laying down

A lovely contrast to the rest of the week

Project 365, week 32

2010-08-13T14:35:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures August 7-13

Unexpected fireworks

Living room, dining room, bicycle repair shop. Our apartment it muti-purpose

He lives such a hard life

This is all that was left of potluck night

Meanwhile, back at the ranch

Clogged dishwasher = distressed hand washer

So much for short hair being easier...

Any minute my head is going to explode: UPDATE

2010-08-11T11:35:00.001-04:00

Two or three weeks ago I woke up, piddled around the house in my pajamas and then tried to take a shower. Except no matter how long I let the water run it never got hot. It didn't even get warm. No hot water. Fantastic.

After several phone calls to various and sundry people we found out that the hot water heater in our building (it's gas and the whole building shares one) had been leaking and there were men here trying to repair it, but the hot water should be back in about an hour.

Four hours later there still wasn't any hot water, but we got another phone call telling us that they were going to have to replace the hot water heater and that wouldn't be accomplished until the next day.

That day I took a bath with hot water in a pot because I don't have a plug for my bathtub.

Anyway, they got a "new" hot water heater and things have been alright. I put "new" in quotations because our landlords are ~~cheap~~ frugal, and they didn't actually buy a new hot water heater. Oh no, they found one that had been discarded by someone else. Now, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with buying a used appliance, as long as said appliance comes from some place that has repaired any possible problems before selling it. The "new" hot water heater did not.

So this past Saturday the water went out again. We tried calling several times, but there was never an answer, so I took another hot-water-in-a-pot bath and waited until we could try to call again. Except that a few hours later the hot water miraculously came back on. Problem (mysteriously) solved, no need for a call to the landlords.

Yesterday I did manage to get a shower, but I noticed that the hot water didn't really want to stay hot and by the end of it I had the knob turned all the way over to the "scalding hot" side, and the water was just comfortable. By one thirty yesterday the hot water was completely gone.

We thought maybe this new hot water heater just ran out more often than the old one (which never ran out, ever. Not once in over two years.) and took a while to reheat the water. So we didn't call, trying to give it time to heat back up again.

Except the water didn't fix itself this time. We still didn't have hot water when we went to bed last night.

We don't have hot water now. Almost 24 hours later. Andy called this morning and they said that the pilot light is out and they have to find someone to relight it. They also told him that is what happened on Saturday.

It's beginning to sound like a faulty pilot light is why the water heater was discarded in the first place. And how many times are they going to pay someone to come out and relight it before they just go buy a new hot water heater?

If this were any other day I could handle the inconvenience. I would be upset and angry, but I could deal with it with a reasonable amount of aplomb.

However, in about three and a half hours Andy and I have a very important meeting. A meeting concerning the accident in which we begin trying to wrap the whole thing up with the insurance company.

I am nervous. Actually, nervous doesn't really cover exactly how I feel right now. I'm looking right into the face of a grueling afternoon spent rehashing all my injuries, physical and emotional, how I'm doing now (not great) and what all that is worth to me.

I'm a freaking basket case right now. I want to cry. And I want to throw up. And I want to crawl back in bed until this day is over.

And I'm dirty because I don't have any hot water. Insert expletives here...

Luckily (really? Is there a "luckily" in this situation), the meeting is in our hometown, where our parents live. So we're driving down early to take showers. Because everyone feels a little better when they're nice and clean.

I have to go pack up my stuff. Say a little prayer for me this afternoon. It would be much appreciated.

UPDATE at 6:30 pm.

We're home and I'm alive.

Thankfully someone came to relight the pilot light and we had hot water here in time to take showers and get ready. So we didn't have to pack and haul all our clothes and bathroom crap all over today. One less thing to worry about.

The meeting is over. I only melted down once and not for too long. I'm glad it's over though. I'm going to pour a glass of wine and curl up with a book.

Project 365, week 31 and a long note about my week

2010-08-06T12:57:00.000-04:00

This week I went down to Raleigh to spend some time with Julie. We drank girly wine and watched girly movies and ate things our husbands either wouldn't like or wouldn't approve of. We talked about going for a run several times, but talking about it was as far as we ever got because we stayed up too late at night and ate too much pie. We so seldom get to have any real girl time anymore thought, so I'm not going to feel guilty for not running this week and indulging in too many calories. Also, I had a doctor's appointment schedule for the end of the week and being with Julie gave me a distraction from the stress that surely would have built up if I'd been at home.

Yesterday I came home. I left at exactly the wrong time and found myself in rush hour traffic in the middle of a torrential downpour. Also, The Hulk doesn't like to idle and the engine died three times in the middle of traffic on the interstate which sent me into a mild panic attack because I was pretty certain that if we didn't start to move in earnest soon, The Hulk was going to go into full on revolt mode and refuse to turn on again at all. But I managed to make it work. The Hulk and I have an understanding, so we made it home alright.

I walked in the door and found the apartment exactly as I had expected - all a muss. Andy hadn't made the bed all week. There were shoes everywhere. His clean clothes were still sitting exactly where I left them waiting for him to put them away. The pile was a little smaller though, as he had been wearing clean clothes all week, and discarding them on the bedroom floor each night. Also the kitchen was a disaster. Andy and Roommate make jalapeno poppers and shrimp last night on the grill and the evidence of their effort was spread all over the counters. It was just easier for me to clean it up than to throw a fit and honestly I was tired and cleaning the mess took less energy than yelling at someone else to do it.

And then when I started to gather up the dishes I noticed how disgusting the counters were and I asked if they had wiped them down before they started to prepare the food. I already knew the answer because there were two dead flies and rabbit hair all over the place. So no, they didn't, but they prepared the food on cutting boards and plates. Um, still gross.

My appointment was this morning with Dr.F. We were pretty sure he was going to release me, but I was still nervous. It's just a reaction I have now when I go to any doctor. I had made an early appointment so I could get it over with and not spend the day dwelling on it, so I set my alarm last night and got up when it went off at 8. I had to pee so I went in the bathroom and then left for a minute to go into the kitchen for something. Then, as I was walking back to the bathroom I hear the door shut and thought it was Andy. When I walked in the hall I realized it was not, in fact, Andy, but Roommate, who had gotten up a full hour earlier than usually.

The man NEVER gets up before 9, but the one morning that I need the freaking bathroom he decided he needs to be an early riser. I was furious and if I hadn't been afraid he was naked I would have barged in and told him to get the hell out of my bathroom, and while he was at it go ahead an move out already, for mercy's sake!!!!!! Instead I went back into the kitchen and started slamming cabinet doors while I made some breakfast. It was not a good start to the day and I was pretty certain that was a sign that my appointment was going to be bad.

Thankfully, after nearly four years of marriage, Andy has learned that when I'm that mad it's best to just pretend like I'm an explosive device and steer clear. He left me alone to stew on the sofa and after one abortive attempt to get Roommate out of the bathroom he sat down as far away from me as he could to wait out the storm. Twenty minutes later Roommate vacated and I got in the shower. Lucky for him traffic wasn't bad this morning and we made it to the office with five minutes to spare.

We saw Dr.F. He's a very chipper, positive type of guy. He's also a complete and total goofball. Today he was wearing a tie with the cartoon patient from Operation on it. I've never, ever seen him wear a normal tie. I wonder what he's like when he isn't at work.

The appointment was really short. He talked a lot about how great I looked and how everything could have turned out so much worse. He looked in my ears and down my throat and in my nose, of course. He said it "was a perfect nose" meaning that it was all healed up and clear. Then he released me.

Andy and I left the office. I wanted to cry, but I held it together because Andy doesn't deal very well with me crying. But I was just feeling so relieved because Dr.F said everything we had been waiting a year to hear, and I could finally turn a page in this never ending story. I was also feeling scared and stressed because there are a lot of chapters left before we can close the book and put it on the shelf. I've said it so many times and I'm sure I'll say it many more, but I just want my life back. And now it's right in front of me and it's almost tangible, making me want it that much more, but there are some really big hurdles still left to jump before I can get there. All this was on my mind on the way home and it didn't occur to me until we got back to the apartment that I missed a perfect opportunity for the photo of the day. I should have had Andy take my picture with Dr.F or snap a picture of me leaving the office for the last time. The Last Time.

But I didn't take either of those because I was a mess and completely too wrapped up in my feelings to think about anything so obvious. So I guess you'll have to be satisfied with a picture of "a perfect nose."

Week in pictures July 31 - August 6

The beginning of the end. Two gray hairs

Head in the clouds. Literally

Deliciously home grown

Now this is what girl's night should look like

It's been a long, long time since I took a bubble bath

Ahhh, refreshing

Crappy drive home

"Now that's a perfect nose!" - Dr.F

Veronicaisms: The Alex Edition

2010-08-04T12:00:00.000-04:00

I started Veronicaisms a long time ago in honor of my niece, Veronica, who can come out with some of the most random things sometimes.

But this is dedicated to her little brother, Alex, who stayed with us on Friday night.

We took him out for dinner and got home a little late, so he was starting to run a little wild and we were trying to get him into bed post haste.

While Andy and I blew up the air mattress and got the bed ready, Roommate was kind enough to entertain Alex for us. He red him a story and talked to him about who knows what because Alex doesn't always enunciate his words and it's hard to have any idea what he's talking about.

Anyway, we got him to bed and he went right to sleep with no problem.

On Saturday morning Alex and I got up and Roommate was getting ready to leave for work. When he opened the door to go I told Alex to say goodbye and he did. Then when Roommate was out the door Alex said, "What a great guy!"

I agreed and then laughed and when he asked me why I was laughing I said because he was so cute and he made me laugh. And then Alex said, "Oh. Ok. Can you cut my poptarts into triangles?"

Silver, gray, white - they're all the same

2010-08-03T12:00:00.000-04:00

This past weekend Andy and I went on a date. Kind of.

It was a kind of date because we never would have gone if we weren't supposed to meet someone there, but we got there and had already placed our food order when the people we were supposed to meet let us know they weren't coming. And I was pissed because I could think of so many other places I would have rather been, so Andy took my hand and said, "Let's think of it as a date."

So, yeah, a kind of date to a restaurant that was only kind of mediocre, but their prices and their attitude would give you the impression that they must be something special.

Except they didn't even have cloth napkins y'all. And I'm not some stuck up so-and-so that always has to have a cloth napkin, but if you're going to charge $8 for a Caesar salad and then charge another $7 to add chicken or shrimp to the salad I expect to be able to be able to pick my chin up off the floor and wipe it with a cloth napkin.

I don't know, maybe Andy and I don't eat out at nice restaurants that often and $7 for some chicken isn't so bad. But really, it's additional chicken. As in, it isn't the main part of the meal, but an "in addition to" item for a meal that's already whole - or so it would seem, but I hardly think a Caesar salad without croutons is a whole salad - so what makes this additional chicken so special? Does it come with a person to cut it up and feed it to you? I didn't find out because my experience with the place to that point told me that it was probably completely mediocre chicken that wasn't worth two extra dollars, much less seven. So I settled for a completely mediocre cup of soup and a "salad" that consisted of a lot of lettuce, some dressing and a little bit of cheese.

Suffice it to say that we won't be going back there any time soon. Or ever.

But the restaurant isn't why I'm writing this. I'm writing this to tell you what I found while I was getting ready to go on our kind of date.

I decided that since the place was kind of nice I shouldn't look like a total slob, so I took a little time to fix my hair.

And while I was fixing my hair and looking in the mirror I thought for a second that I saw a flash of hair that was not my normal color. In fact, this phantom hair looked gray. Not even gray, it looked down right silver which is right next to white.

A little further investigation turned up two very silver hairs on the top of my head.

Now y'all, I don't color my hair because I like my hair color and also, because I'm cheap. And I have said that when I start to go gray I plan to just live with it because I know of lot's of beautiful women with gray hair.

But I'm only 28. And in my most humble opinion, that is too damn young to go completely gray.

I know what you're saying. It's only two hairs. Well, actually it's at least three because Andy found another one that I couldn't see. Thanks honey...

The thing is it only takes one and then the rest start to go. The big question here is if these ~~two~~ three are going to hang out by themselves for the next ten years or so, or are they going to invite some com padres to join them. If this is going to turn into an issue my salon bill is about to go way, way up.

Also, I texted Julie after I found them and I found no sympathy from her. She said she would take my ~~two~~ three gray hairs and raise me her ninety or so. Well my friend, I have a bone to pick with you.

So, if I recollect you didn't start getting gray hairs in earnest until after you had a baby. Oh sure, you had the occasional gray from time to time because you have really dark hair and people with really dark hair have random gray hairs all the time. But you hadn't complained of really going gray until you had Mina and your hair changed post pregnancy.

Well I don't have children yet. So what is my hair going to look like after I do?! Also, would it kill you to start throwing a little sympathy my way? I mean, I don't want to keep throwing this in your face, but nine months, sister. NINE MONTHS! (no, Julie isn't pregnant again. This is a reference to her, ahem, slightly less than sweet disposition the whole time she was pregnant before)

Anyway, I'm slightly disturbed by these hairs. And no, I didn't pull them out. Do you think I'm crazy?! I don't want six more!

In the end, I've decided to blame on the stress of the last fifteen months and the mounting stress of finally putting this whole accident/insurance business to rest.

I can finally see a light at the end of the tunnel, but apparently my hair is taking the light literally.

Piss & Vinegar

2010-08-02T14:35:00.000-04:00

When we first decided to get a bunny and I found Brunswick, I also bought a book about rabbits and how best to care for them.

I learned a lot of things from that little book, some of them useful, some of them not so much.

One of the things the book said was to not get impatient with a baby bunny because for the first year they are much more active and tend to make much bigger messes which can cause owners to give up too easily and give their bunny away before the first year is up.

So we brought Brunswick home fully prepared to chase around a little terror for a year until his adult genes kicked in and he settled down a bit.

That isn't what happened. Not at all.

Brunswick was lazy. From the get go. He likes to sleep and while he did run around and jump up on the furniture sometimes he would need a nap immediately afterward. He slept so much and so deeply in fact that sometimes you couldn't wake him without picking him up or giving him a little shake. There were many times I thought my little bunny was dead or dying because I couldn't get him to wake up. It took a long time to understand that it was just him. He was a calm, sleepy little guy.

That is part of the reason we got a second bunny. We wanted Brunswick to have a friend and he was so easy and hardly ever caused any trouble, so how bad could a second bunny be?

Ha! Hahahahahahahaha!

Milton has always been as active as the book said - and then some.

We don't call him the Little Grey Cuss for nothing. He got that name pretty much immediately and he's managed to hold on to it for two years now.

He did calm down, like the book said, after his first year. And after he did he took a little time to decide that he actually liked Andy and I. He's even started to give us kisses - something Brunswick did in the first month and I never thought Milton would deign to do. But he has and we love him for it. It's even become a game to see who can get the most kisses out of him before he decides he's tired of us and runs away.

Even at two he still has more spunk, sass and energy than his brother, and in the middle of the day, while Brunswick is taking a nap, Milton usually finds some sort of mischief to get into.

So last week when I heard the sounds of paper being torn and scratched at I wasn't surprised, but I set out in search of Milton to make sure he wasn't destroying something useful.

I couldn't find him after a quick search of his usual hiding places and after I stood in the hallway for a second I deduced that the sounds were coming from our bedroom. I had already looked there, but maybe I'd just missed him, so I went back. And then I saw his tail sticking out from under the bedside table.

He had squeezed himself under there and proceeded to shred all the miscellaneous what not that had found it's way out of my or the vacuum's reach.

He was really going to town and there weren't any important documents, so instead of forcing him out I took a video instead - because he's my little trouble maker, but he so cute while he's making trouble.

And while Milton was doing that, this is what Brunswick was doing:

Whatever did I do for entertainment before I had bunnies?

Project 365, week 30

2010-07-30T14:36:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures July 24-30

Hydrate

Freeze pops!

The return of Fort Bun

It wasn't healthy, but it was dinner

Because everyone can use a little Shag

A cuter little bunny tail you never will see

If only the computer could transport scent...

Woe is me and other stuff

2010-07-28T11:16:00.000-04:00

Well hello there internets. How's life?

Oh me? I'm still angry. I'm also feeling like a negative nellie lately. Hence my absence from any kind of regular posting. Sometimes it's hard to be upbeat and I'm having a hard time with gratitude lately. And nobody wants me to constantly spew my bad mojo out, least of all me, so I've been taking a little break.

Honestly I've seriously considered turning off my phone and computer for a week and just taking a "vacation" from the rest of the world. Wouldn't that be nice?

Anyway, in the hopes of getting out of my funk I've decided to just get all my complaints out in one really awful post. Here goes.

I want Roommate to move out already. I want my home back. I want my alone time back and my alone time with my husband. I feel like I'm living in You, Me and Dupree. One night last week Andy and I went to bed before him and when he finally turned in he left all the lights on in the apartment. What the heck?! Also, if he hangs his effing wet towel on the bedpost (of my grandmother's bed) one more time he is going to be downgraded to all-air-mattress-all-the-time status. I want to cook dinner and eat it with just Andy and not feel like I need to invite him to join us. I am counting down the days until August gets here, because for better or worse he is moving out in August. Even if his apartment falls through he is moving out in August.
Last Thursday and Friday I didn't eat a single home cooked meal because of some unforeseen circumstances. On Saturday my stomach staged a revolt against me.
In two weeks time we start "operation get released from all my doctors and start negotiating a settlement" and just thinking about the process that is coming has me torn between bursting into tears and throwing up. Y'all, I just don't want to talk about the accident. I don't know if I can talk about the accident. I don't know if I'm strong enough.
Andy and I went out Sunday and on our way home we saw a car upside down in a ditch. And I mean completely upside down on it's roof with the wheels still spinning. There were people stopping and Andy and I pulled over too. We were going to try to do what we could to help, but I was pretty much paralyzed with fear. The whole day of my accident came back and I started to breathe heavy like something was sitting on my chest. Then I started to cry. I told Andy I didn't think I could be much help, but thankfully about that time someone had helped the driver out of the back windshield and he appeared to be alright. At least not seriously injured, and the first responders got there, so we left because we didn't see it happen and there clearly wasn't much for us to do. But I hate that I reacted that way. Especially since I used to be pretty good in stressful situations, but now it looks like I'll be dissolving into a sobbing heap at the first sign of trouble. I don't like that about myself now.
On Monday our hot water heater took a dump and I hadn't had a shower yet that day. We don't have a plug for our bathtub because the old one was all gross and old and I threw it out and haven't replaced it yet. So I took a bath with water that I heated in a pot on the stove. Except I got it too hot and had to turn the cold water on and try to mix the two waters together. The whole time I was alternately burning or freezing myself. It was great fun. They got the water heater fixed on Tuesday, but not until later in the day and it took nearly three hours for the water to get warm again.
I'm running longer and longer distances and I'm so proud of myself. Good right? Um well, it would be good except that the guy who sold me my running shoes is a complete idiot and talked me into something that worked fine when I was just doing short workouts, but now that I'm getting more serious about it my shoes are a major problem. I'm pretty sure I'm getting shin splints and I've been getting blisters on my arches. On my arches!! Who get's blisters on their arches?! It's painful and it makes me afraid to go run. Also, those shoes were expensive and they have at least half their life left and I hate to waste that. So I'm going to try inserts to see if that helps, but it makes me really angry. And running is a major stress reliever for me, so yeah. Maybe that's why I'm in such a bad mood lately.
We have new neighbors. They are around our age and they have a three year old. Andy was worried about the kid being loud, but so far he hasn't been a problem at all. We don't even notice that he's there. What you do notice is that they apparently have a huge stereo system that they like to turn way up and each evening we eat dinner and watch television with the constant thump! thump! thump! of whatever music they're rocking out to. Clearly they don't realize they share walls with other people. Andy and I have always wanted a surround sound system, but haven't ever gotten one because we share walls and we didn't want to be inconsiderate. However, that is quickly moving up to number one on the shopping list. It doesn't even have to be a good system, so long as it's loud.

There it is folks. All my angry, ungrateful, whiny feelings out there for the world to see. Do you understand why I haven't been posting? Who wants to read that every day? Or write it, for that matter?

I'm going to go stick my head in the ground now. Leave me something happy to help get me out of this funk. Thanks!

Project 365, week 29

2010-07-23T10:09:00.001-04:00

Week in pictures July 17-23

My first cherry pie

Cool after the rain

A great way to spend an afternoon

I love a man who knows his way around the kitchen

Cotton candy in the sky

Oh happy day!

Flying high

Patty cake

Be gentle

Angry

2010-07-21T11:20:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I went back and read a lot of the things I've written pertaining to my car crash.

These days I try not to talk about the accident a whole lot or dwell on it. But I have a meeting scheduled with my lawyer next month and I wanted to go back and see how I felt then. Versus how I feel now.

I'm not talking about how I felt physically. I know how I felt. Like ass. But there wasn't a whole hell of a lot I could do about it except move forward, so I kept an upbeat attitude about the whole thing. There were definitely bad days, but for the most part I kept my chin up and endured with as much grace as I could.

It was easy back then to keep telling myself that it would be over soon enough. "Eventually" didn't seem so very far away.

I remember when we were talking about my second surgery with Dr. F last year and he said he didn't want to do it until I was emotionally able to handle another surgery. I understood where he was coming from, but I also knew that I needed to get it over with. I didn't want to be well and then have to do it all over again. The surgery and the sickness and the pain and the helplessness. I knew I wouldn't fair as well the second time. Best to go ahead and get it over with while I was already sick. So we did, and I continued to put on my brave face. Always enduring, rarely complaining.

I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I was just trying to get through it, one day at a time.

And then October came. Six months after the crash and finally, finally things settled down on the medical front. I still had some procedures ahead of me, but I had time to take a breath and just be. That's when the emotions took over. Everything that I had been suppressing for so long came right up and smacked me in the face. All those feelings that I hadn't let myself feel; the grief and the sadness and the fear. Oh the fear. How do you deal with the fear and the knowledge that you very nearly lost your most precious gift - your life?

Now, fifteen months after the crash, all those emotions are still there along with some new ones. I'm frustrated and I'm angry.

I remember talking to Andy a week after the accident about everything that had happened and everything that still needed to happen. Neither of us thought my recovery would take so long and we both thought by the end of the year we'd be done with it and we'd be able to move on. Six months, we thought, or twelve at the most and that would be the end of it. We could move on.

That hasn't happened. I feel like the day of the accident our life just stopped. We've been in a state of suspended animation ever since. Everything we do or plan is based on some future event - after this doctor's appointment, after that meeting, after, after, after...

What about now? When does now happen?

I'm in a constant state of stress. And that makes me angry.

I don't sleep well a lot of nights and then in the mornings sometimes I would like nothing more than to stay in bed all day. And that makes me angry.

I still have a missing tooth. And that makes me angry.

My lip and chin are still numb. I haven't regained any feeling in them since last September and two weeks ago I drooled on myself at dinner. And that makes me angry.

My right sinus cavity is constantly sore and my nose is still swollen, not to mention crooked. And that makes me angry.

I don't know what physical side effects are going to follow me around forever or present themselves at some inopportune time. Physical side effects that are the result of some one else's bad decision. And that makes me angry.

I don't even know who to be angry with. Accidents happen.

That's what I tell myself, that accidents happen, but that doesn't change a damn thing that happened to me or to my family.

I want my life back.

I am over it. And I am angry.

Project 365, week 28

2010-07-16T13:53:00.000-04:00

Week in pictures July 10-16

I'll spare you Andy's caption for this photo

Watching the storm roll in

Queen City

But I don't want to go to bed

An instant classic

I'm so weak

A 90's video marathon