Grateful for the journey

Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

I've finally settled back in at home. It's nice to be back with Andy, even if it isn't so nice to be back in Colorado. Though, I have to admit that the weather has been absolutely beautiful lately. We even have some humming birds zipping around outside our windows. Spring is finally here & if the weather were like this more often, I could probably put up with the crappy people a little better.

In my last post (a week ago, sorry) I whined about my trip home and then told you that I had some good news to share. The day has finally arrived and I'm ready to write about it.

It's been a long time since I've written anything about my accident. This is due, in large part, to my need to just put it all behind me and move on with my life. I can't change what happened to me, but only accept it as part of my reality and use it to improve my day to day. So that's what I've tried to do.

Except I haven't been able to completely put it behind me.

In all the things I wrote about my feelings, physical and emotional, concerning the accident, I only briefly touched on the financial ramifications of this disaster on our lives. It's been rough. To say the least.

For two years we've had an outstanding insurance claim. The thing that I wanted most, to move on, could never really happen until we could settle with the insurance company. That couldn't happen until I could heal. Last July I was finally released from all my doctors. After that I just needed a few follow up dental appointments to determine my future care, and we could finally begin to close this giant door in our life.

Several months of waiting, and back and forth. Phone calls and emails and question after question after question relating to my recovery and current health.

While I was in North Carolina all the waiting and communication came to a stand still and I went to mediation to settle the claim.

It's over.

Two little words. That's all I could get out before bursting into tears that afternoon when I left my lawyer's office.

In mediation the mediator, said something to me that keeps running through my head. "You've been through a lot and you need to be compensated. The only way to do that is with money."

I understand that, from the perspective of the lawyers and the insurance company, this was a simple business transaction. It's the world's way of trying to make a wrong, right.

For me, it's so much more than that. While money makes the world go round, it doesn't make me or break me, and how do I a put a dollar amount on the last two years of my life?

No. This was less about compensation than it was about closure and being able to start the final healing process.

I could say that these last two years have been a nightmare. There have certainly been nightmare like times, but I feel like so much good has come of it too.

I've grown up more in these last two years than I ever did in the previous twenty seven. I see the change in myself and recognize it for the blessing that it is. I've never felt more grown up, and that doesn't have anything to do with the fact that I'm chronologically older. I'm better able to appreciate a situation, good or bad, for what it's really worth and how much of my attention and worry it deserves. I'm grateful for that knowledge and for the strength I've gained through all this turmoil

My husband and my marriage have never been more precious. We meant our vows when we took them, nearly five years ago, but I don't think either of us expected just how soon we would have the opportunity to test that sincerity. I'm grateful for that and for the knowledge that as long as Andy is by my side I can tackle any obstacle.

I'm grateful for all my friends and family that supported me, and Andy, through all the pain and heartache. These people have a new importance to me now, and they are more dear than ever before. You're only as strong as the people around you and right now I feel like a fortress, impenetrable and unyielding.

Most of all I'm grateful for my life and the opportunity to live it. That's just what I intend to do.

It's over, and I'm grateful.

The long journey home

And I do mean long.

I got home late Saturday night/early Sunday morning. That was not the original plan.

Saturday, I woke up at 8 and got everything ready to go. Julie and I loaded up the car with my (gigantic) suitcase & headed to the airport. After a tearful goodbye, I headed to baggage check and then to security. All those things went smoothly and I got to my designated gate around 10 am. My flight was scheduled to leave at 11:40. I was flying to Minneapolis where I would meet a connection to Denver.

Right around the time we should have started boarding there was an announcement. The Minneapolis airport was having a small problem with a power outage & my flight had been delayed 20 minutes. No big deal, and because of the power outage in Minneapolis my connecting flight would be delayed as well, so no concern there.

A few more minutes pass. We should be boarding the plane to leave at the delay time. Another announcement, the flight has been delayed another 25 minutes, but so has my connecting flight, so again, not a big deal.

12 o'clock rolls around and we start boarding the plane. Everyone gets on, gets comfortable and the captain comes on the intercom. Due to the severity of the power outage in Minneapolis they've had to shut down the airport for a short time. My flight is canceled.

Fantastic.

I get off the plane with all the other passengers and get in line to talk to an agent. Several people started calling Delta customer service to reschedule their flights, but even if you can talk to a real person and get your itinerary changed, you still have to stand in line to get your new boarding pass. I opt to just stand in line because talking to customer service on the phone usually makes me want to throw my phone against a wall, and I was already in a terrific mood.

It takes a while, but finally I get to the desk and the nice lady helping me gets me on a flight to JFK in New York where I then would fly to Denver. That's fine. Whatever gets me home. I take my new boarding pass and give a description of my checked bag so they can transfer it to my new flight though I only had a small hope that would actually happen.

It's now 1 pm. My new flight doesn't leave until 4 so I set out to find something to eat. After eating and resting a few minutes and letting my phone charge at the Starbucks kiosk, I decide to go find my new gate.

It's now 2 pm.

I go to the TV screens that display flights and their information. I see the gate and the time my flight should leave and then all the way to the right is flashing in bright red letters, "Now 5:05." What. The. Hell?

When I walk to the gate and read the display, sure enough my flight is now scheduled an hour later than originally planned. Which means that if I stick with that flight I would have exactly five minutes to get off the first plane, make it to the new gate in JFK and onto the plane before they shut the door. So, basically It's a given that I would miss my connecting flight.

I walk around until I find a desk with an agent. They're helping some other woebegone travelers so I commence waiting.

When I get helped it just so happens that the person helping is the same one who rescheduled my flight a couple hours ago. She's very nice and gets me on to another flight and once again, takes my bag description to have it checked onto my new flight. Yeah, right. Not a chance in hell that bag is making it to Denver the same time I do. I asked if there was any chance there would be a delay with this new flight, no was the answer and I'd been upgraded to first class for both flights. Well, that was something.

My new flight takes me to Atlanta where I have a three hour layover and then board a second plane to Denver.

Let's take a moment to count all this up. At this point it's roughly 3 pm. I've spent all of 5 minutes on an airplane, 5 hours in the same airport, and been booked on 6 different flights for the day.

The flight to Atlanta wasn't scheduled to leaved until 5:15. Lot's of time to kill and I spent most of it on the phone complaining to various family and friends about my ordeal.

Eventually the time did pass. My flight was uneventful as were my three ours in the Atlanta airport and my second flight to Denver.

My plane landed at 11 pm and, of course, my suitcase didn't, so Andy and I spent some time while the nice people at the airport found it (New York) and scheduled it for delivery to me.

We got to the apartment at 1:30 am (3:30 am eastern).

But I'm home and my suitcase made it to me this morning at 5:30.

Hopefully in a couple of days I can tell you about some exciting news I have. I'm not pregnant, sorry. However, still exciting news, and this particular news has been a long time coming. 

Happy Monday!

Half over

I've been in NC for 10 days. I have 10 more to go.

Clearly my trip hasn't made me any more enthusiastic about blogging. In my defense, it took a week to get rid of the jet lag. It was horrible. Also, part of why I'm here is because Julie needed some help with someone to watch Mina. I know that sounds kind of strange, because aren't there babysitters in North Carolina? Well, yes, but Julie is having to deal with some family things right now and will be for several weeks and Mina hasn't spent entire days with baby sitters ever. So it just made sense that if her world was going to turn upside down for a few weeks, at least she should stay with someone she knows. Hence my three week trip to North Carolina.

Anyway, I have some free days and some things planned the rest of this week. Hopefully I can get some pictures taken and at least post those to the ole blog, if nothing else.

I hope you're all having a wonderful May!

NC bound

On Saturday I'm flying out of Colorado, and away from the winter that will never end, to a land of green grass, warm temperatures and flip flops.

I'm going to North Carolina for a nice long visit. A three week visit. I'm excited for many reasons that I'm sure I don't really need to list, but I'm also a little sad. Andy and the bunnies are staying in Colorado.

I feel kind of like a hypocrite because I've been aching to go "home" to NC for months now, but honestly home is where my husband is. So, while I'm sure I'll enjoy myself immensely while I'm in the South, it's going to be a bitter sweet trip. Hopefully my friends and family will keep me entertained so that it passes quickly and I can come back to my love soon.

Also, this trip could mean one of two things for the blog. Posting could be more sparse (is that even possible?) or I could be so inspired by my return home that I bombard you with posts about the wonderful time I'm having. We'll see how it goes.

Enjoy the rest of your week!

It's never going to end, is it?

 
Photos taken today, from our porch.

Just putting this out there

It seems like my blog directly reflects my life. Duh, you say, but I'm not just talking about the things I write about on here. I'm also referring to the things I don't say, i.e. my silence.

When things aren't so great I tend to shut down on the blog and if you look at my posting (or lack of) over the last couple months you can tell that life isn't exactly stellar right now.

I've said before that we hate it here, but I can't put into words just how stiffing this place is.I can't speak for all of Colorado, but as for the area we're in, it sucks. Or rather, the people suck. Some might say we're just homesick.

Yes and no. I think this goes beyond homesickness. No amount of time spent here is going to make the community more welcoming to us. It makes me sad and more than disappointed that we feel this way. This move is something that Andy and I have dreamed of for so long, and it's painful when dreams come true, but turn out to be something less than imagined.

I could go on about this for a while, but Andy and I have rehashed this so much in our day to day lives it seems pointless to do so on here. And getting on here every day to write, "We hate it here," "This place is terrible," "Why did we think it was going to be so great," whine, whine, whine, is just not my style. We made a decision and we're going to live with it until we're ready to make the next move.

And now I'm going to do the thing that everyone says they hate when bloggers do it. I'm going to tell you that we have made several decisions about our future, but I'm not going to tell the internet about it. Not yet. We need to put some things into action before I talk about what we're going to do and where we're going to go next. So, sorry. You'll just have to wait. If anyone still reads this thing.

On the bright side, the warm days (if you call 50 degrees warm) are starting to outweigh the cold, so maybe I can take some pictures to put on here that aren't mountains covered in snow. Here's hoping.

April is the best month

Oh, hey! I'm not dead. Isn't that great?

So, it's April. I love this month, and not only because it's my birthday month. This Sunday, the 3rd, I'll turn 29. Lately I've been thinking a lot about getting older, and I've come to some conclusions. But more on that later, because right now I'm going to tell you something else.

Today is April Fool's Day. Did you now? Has someone played a prank on you?

I hate April Fool's Day. I'm usually a very practical person and it really gripes my bottom when someone tricks me. Also, I have a very transparent face. What I'm thinking shows very clearly on my money maker, so I'm not good at lying. In order to pull off a good prank you must be good at telling lies. So, the "Fool" part of April 1st is not my favorite, but I'm glad it's April.

In honor of this most horrible holiday, I thought I'd tell you about a little conversation I had with Andy earlier this week. He wasn't trying to trick me, but the outcome of the conversation was something completely different than what I had expected at the beginning, so in essence, he fooled me.

Anyway, we were sitting in the living room. He was watching something on television and I was looking at something on the computer, "window" shopping, no doubt. Out of nowhere Andy pipes up and says, "Do you know what I wish someone had told me about us getting married?"

Danger! Danger! Tread carefully!

What on earth have I done wrong? We haven't even had so much as a petty argument in a while, so I really had no idea what brought this on. Not that we needed to be in a fight for him to think something like this, but it's generally the disagreements that make you wish someone had prepared you ahead of time how to deal with it.

There was no getting out of it, though, so I girded my loins, prepared myself for the worst and asked, "No, what?"

You'll never, ever guess what he said. Prepare yourself.

"I wish someone had told me ahead of time that I was supposed to say something at our rehearsal dinner. I would have like to have had time to prepare something." He said.

WHAT?! What on earth made him think of that?

There were a couple of reactions going on in my head after I heard that little bit of loveliness. First I thought (and said), "Oh my gosh! Get over it already!" You see, we have been married for just over four and a half years now, and in that time whenever someone brings up our wedding or he hears the words "rehearsal dinner" he goes on and on about how he had to give a speech that night and no one had told him and why hadn't they told him because he didn't mind having to do it but he would have liked some advance warning so he would have been able to think about what to say, and for the love of mercy, build a bridge, Andy!

My second reaction was to realize that after all these years the worst thing he can think of about our marriage, the thing that blind sided him the most, was something that happened before we were even married. Really? Nothing else? So I asked, "Is there anything about actually being married that you wish you'd known?" He said, "Nope. I think it's been pretty normal."

And you know what? I think he's right. I don't know about normal, but there haven't really been any surprises. I mean, there have been some unexpected things that life threw at us, like job loss and in particular my car crash, but those could/would have happened with or without us being married. All-in-all though, I got what I expected out of marriage, and I guess he has too, so far.

We're happy together. As a bride you have so many expectations and big ideas of what it's going to be like once you're married. Now, four and a half years later, being happy seems like a pretty big accomplishment. At the end of the day, that's the most I ask for and need. Being happy with my husband makes all of the other inadequacies that life throws my way seem less important. I expected so much, but got exactly what I needed. It's funny how that works, isn't it?

Happy April!