Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Pitty party, table for one

Over the past two weeks it has been my philosophy that this is just something that happened to me. It wasn't a good thing, but I couldn't do anything to change the situation and being bitter about it wouldn't help me get well any faster. I've done my best to keep a positive attitude and I feel truly blessed that I came out of the accident alive along with everyone else involved. So much more could have happened and I feel like, in some ways, I've been given a second chance at living. Also, I couldn't let myself feel ungrateful for what I have been given when so many other people are suffering more than me. Sure, I sustained a lot of injuries and it could take a year or more for me to be my old self, but I have a huge network of people to support me through this process. I have so much to be thankful for.

For two weeks I've done my best to take it one day at a time and keep any negative thoughts at bay. To find whatever silver lining I could in my situation.

Until yesterday.

I knew going in that it was not going to be a pleasant day. Dental work is never something to look forward to. I kept telling myself it would be over soon and with each little hurdle I reminded myself that was one down and just a few more to go until I could go back home and rest.

When I was in the hospital and I was being poked and prodded and prepped for so many different procedures it helped to tell myself that it wasn't going to be that bad compared to what I had already endured. They were working to make me better. I'd already reached the height of my injuries and any injury I had to endure further was for my own good.

That mantra doesn't work so well anymore. With each new day I feel better. My pain is slowly ebbing away as my body heals itself. I'm forgetting the horror that was two weeks ago and it isn't so much a comfort when I know more pain is coming. Yesterday it didn't work at all.

My mother took me to my appointments because Andy gets really grumpy in doctor's offices and it stresses me out which doesn't help me if I'm feeling distressed anyway. So we left him at home with promises to call and update him.

When we got to the oral surgeon the receptionist told us that we might want to go find something to do for a while because they were that far behind already. Not a good sign. Then she checked her chart and it turned out the wait wasn't going to be so bad after all, so Mom and I hunkered down and entertained ourselves with fashion magazines. Finally it was time and they took us back. I think the practice of making patients wait in the exam room should be outlawed as a torture device. I spent a lot of time in that chair listening to the bad office music and sweating like a whore in church.

Finally it was time for the Novocaine which was not exactly pleasant, but I took with a smile because I didn't want to know what it felt like without medication. Then we waited some more while the Novocaine had time to work it's magic. Taking the arch bars out wasn't so horrible. It's like having heavy duty dental floss in your teeth. The doctor took out two then spent what felt like an unusual amount of time poking his fingers around in my mouth. The more he poked, the more I worried. Then he finally said that he needed to go call the orthodontist I was seeing later in the afternoon. The break in my jaw had not healed as much as he'd hopped and they had to decide who was going to re-stabilize it. Distressed at the thought of having the arch bars put back in; we waited some more. After several excruciating moments the doctor came back and told us that the orthodontist would be able to fix it. That wasn't exactly comforting because that still meant having wires put in my mouth, but I was promised that they would be easier to deal with.

I still had three arch bars that needed to be removed, so he went about his business. When he made it to the right side and started to pull I felt a pain that I didn't even feel the day of the accident. I thought he was pulling my teeth out. He stopped and asked if I needed more Novocaine, but I thought that was the extent of the pain so I declined. Then he went back to work and within seconds I was in tears. He was having none of that, bless him, so he injected me with more medication and waited. It didn't stop the pain entirely, but it did help. After just another couple of minutes it was over, but I was on the verge of a meltdown. My mouth has never hurt that much. All the old injuries hurt and new ones had presented themselves and were throbbing with abandon.

I collected my tears and said thank you to the medical personnel. The doctor had a few parting words of wisdom before he sent us on our way.

It was off to the orthodontist; where all my walls came crashing down.

To be continued...


  1. Oh honey. I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. It has to be draining. Thinking of you during all of this.
    ~ Speed

  2. The beginning of your post is so true. Most of my days are good actually considering our situation and then some days the walls come tumbling down like you said at the end.

    Just because our situations are different doesn't mean that one is truthfully harder than the other. It's all a process we have to work through.

    I'm sorry you are enduring so much physical pain. Take care of yourself and know we are all hear for you!